Professor Herondale
by mybookboyfriendsaresosexy
Summary: Clary knew it would never happen. She knew she could never have the art professor she had been crushing on for the past three years. But what happens when their close friendship and student/teacher relationship puts them in situations causing sparks, a burning ache of lust and loss of control? Rated M for lemons, adult language.
1. prologue

**So I know I should be writing other stories (ARGH) but this was nagging me to be written and after finishing reading COHF I was just in the writing mood. Whoever's finished it, what did you think of it? I LOVED IT SO MUCH! Let me know in private messages! (Don't want spoilers in the reviews)**

**Who doesn't love teacher/student romances?**

**Rated M.**

**I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Cassandra Clare.**

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**Professor Herondale.**

**Prologue.**

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He was my teacher.

I was his student.

It should have mattered.

It didn't matter.

We only had a year left before I wouldn't be his student.

It didn't matter - it was a year too long.

We couldn't wait.

...

We should have waited.


	2. Chapter 1

**There is a brief mention of COHF. Just the mention of the book. Nothing about what is INSIDE it. I promise. I would never spoil it for my readers :) just pretend in the book the characters have different names because it'd be weird for the characters in my fanfiction to have the same name as the characters in the book they're reading :)**

**The famous introduction chapter! **

**Enjoy!**

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**Professor Herondale**

**Chapter 1.**

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"BUT IT HURTS! IT HURTS SO MUCH. WHY DOES IT HURT?" Isabelle wailed into my copy of City of Heavenly Fire.

"I know...I know...but it's a limited signed edition...hardback…it's getting wet..." I cringed as Isabelle continued to ignore me, shoved her face into the book, and cried.

"IT HURTS BUT IT WAS PERFECT! I didn't want it to end! Why does it have to end? Tell me it's not going to end!" Isabelle pleaded with her wet doe eyes.

"Well there's still another series left! The Dark Artifices! You have that to look forward to!" I said cheerfully.

"But no more hot shadowhunters!" She cried.

"I'm sure there will be hot shadowhunters in the next series." I sighed.

"Don't look at me like that." Isabelle narrowed her eyes at me, causing her tears to spill over. "You don't understand the pain I'm feeling right now!"

"I've read the book Isabelle. I know how it ends." I said, slowly trying to clutch the book out of her tight grip. Her nails were going to make indents in my book. Damn it.

"Well then you know how I'm suffering right now!" She sniffed.

"Damn Isabelle. Well I thought you were ruthless." I laughed.

"Well you finally found a book which broke me. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to curl up into a ball and cry with it." Isabelle said as she wiped her nose against her sleeve. Gross.

"Okay Isabelle." I chuckled as I left her to grieve. "I'll go warm up some food if you decide to get hungry."

I had been looking for a book for ages that could pass through Isabelle's armour and I had finally found it. I should probably email Cassandra Clare and thank her.

I left her bedroom and headed towards the kitchen to heat up some food. Isabelle and I lived off campus near Columbia University where we both studied. I studied art and she studied medicine. We had been living together for the past three years since we started university. It was a cute apartment with two bedrooms and two bathrooms. Thank God. Sharing a bathroom with Isabelle would be disastrous. That girl is messy. Our generous parents were kind enough to start us off by helping us pay rent but then we were strict to the idea that we were going to pay ourselves by getting part time jobs.

Isabelle's job was shadowing a doctor at a local hospital. She loved it. Apparently the doctor she was shadowing was extremely cute and she wanted him, but of course, that was against the hospital's rules. Not like that mattered to Isabelle. She flirted with him any chance she got because she loved seeing him get flustered and blush. I had met Dr. Lewis myself when I went to visit her on one of her lunch breaks. He was quite cute with floppy brown hair and big brown eyes. It was hilarious watching Isabelle get all up in his face and see the way he would go redder than my hair. It was quite clear he liked her back but was too shy to say anything or flirt back, especially with the hospital rules. She wouldn't be working long there anyway, it was part time, so I knew she had a plan in mind. Good ole Isabelle.

My job was pretty good. It provided easy money. Our university had its own gallery where art majors could sell and display their work. That's what I did and many students bought my work, which was so helpful. It made me scared for the future though, one day I wouldn't have the school to fall back on. I would actually have to find a gallery that would display my work, which sounded terrifying. Isabelle and I had been at the school for three years. In a few days, we'd be starting the first semester of our last year.

I let Isabelle know the food was warm and she replied with a muffled whatever. I headed towards my bedroom and relaxed on my bed. I switched on my laptop and waited for it to boot up while I ate my food.

I skimmed through my emails and saw that I had one from Professor Herondale and I could not stop grinning. He was adamant about us calling him Jace but there was an aura of authority around him that made us call him Professor Herondale. Only a few people actually called him Jace. I was not one of those people. I only called him Jace in my head – sometimes. There were only a handful of times when I actually called him Jace in email or person. It just slips when you're comfortable with someone.

Professor Herondale was the dream Professor anyone could ask for. He was only five years older than we were so he understood our pop culture and us a lot more than other teachers did, and honestly, someone like him working as an art professor made no sense. With that face, he belonged on the cover on GQ. He's pretty much the fantasy of the girls at Columbia. He had golden eyes that sparked whenever he spoke passionately about art. Girls ogled at his lean frame in the casual clothes he wore. No suit and tie for an art professor, even though I wouldn't mind seeing him in one. Let's not even speak about his sharp smirk. It hurt to think about how good looking someone could be. It's not even the way he looked. Everyone just appreciated him. The way he acted. He had been at the university for three years now. He joined the school when Isabelle and I had. I'm ashamed to say that I'd had the biggest crush on him ever since.

He was so witty and kind but he would give you the kick up the ass you needed if you were falling behind. He was the teacher that told you he was not only your professor, but also your friend and that if you ever needed anyone to talk to, he would always be there to help. It did not help that every time I looked at him it felt like his eyes were burning me. My skin would flush and ache all over, so I tried my best not to look at him much. Why did he have to be so good looking? If he knew about the fantasies that I had had about him...boy I would be out of this school faster than Kaelie was.

Kaelie Whitewillow. The girl who actually tried to get into Jace's pants. That was a massive fail. Every girl was attracted to Jace in some way and Kaelie was determined to have him. It was during Jace's first year at the university and girls were fawning over him. Kaelie told all of us she was going to get him some way. She advanced on him all the time but he would always gently warn her and tell her it was not going to happen, but as I said, she was determined. She was not taking no for an answer, so she put matters into her own hand. She had snuck into his office after hours one day and tried to come on to him. She had the actual guts to try to grab his junk, but he had pushed her away and told her it was enough and he was not having it anymore. A few days later Jace had filed a complaint with the dean and when they tried talking to her, she flipped the story to blame Jace.

She said he was the one who was coming to her all year and making sexual advances. She said he was the one who invited her to his office after university hours. She brought all her lawyers into it and made a big fuss. She even tried to accuse him of rape. So in front of the court and the entire student body, she cried her lying heart until it was time for Jace's turn to defend himself. He had asked if he could play a tape. The tape was footage from his office. He had cameras installed at the start of the year and they had caught what happened on tape. The student body watched as Kellie tried to come on to Jace and what happened next - he pushed her away, told her it was the last time, and told her to get out. Soon later Kaelie was left stuttering and Jace's name was as clear as the sky. Not much time later Kaelie was expelled and banned from campus. It was unlikely any university was going to accept her now. Sad but she deserved it. The tramp.

Luckily, it hadn't ruined the way Jace acted with his students – especially the girls. He was as kind as ever and just as friendly. No one would ever accuse him again. They knew him. They knew he was a good person.

Our relationship as student and teacher was as good as a relationship between a student and teacher could be. It had started out as us talking about our art, we were very passionate about it and had long discussions in class about and passed quite a few emails back and forth when we would send each other pieces of art we thought we would like. We were into the same books, movies and art. He was great to talk to. We had a lot in common and I enjoyed talking to him.

I tried limiting the amount I spoke to him and what I felt when we talked. I tried not to feel special over it. I knew that he spoke to all the students like this, about art, music, etc, so I tried not to let it effect me. Obviously my attempts didn't work, since I have clearly fallen for him. He always told us he was there for us if we wanted to talk to him, about school or personal stuff. He tried to make us feel like equals as much as possible. Like I said, best Professor forever. I'm sure lots of students turned to Jace when they got upset and needed advice because he was so wise, even though he was only five years older than we were.

I never started talking to him about personal things until my parents died. It happened a year ago. I was in the middle of sending an email to Professor Herondale about the art of Picasso when I got the phone call from the police department. Drunk driver. Hard collision. Killed instantly. Small words that tore my entire life down. I soon became catatonic. I didn't attend class for three weeks. I never got back to replying to Professor Herondale either.

The weeks in between the accident and when I went back to class were tough for me. Isabelle tried to be there for me as much as possible but I could tell it was difficult for her. I was withdrawn and closed off. I wouldn't speak or be active in my life. Isabelle's family and my family were always close since we were toddlers. They tried to be there for me but it just wasn't happening. It may sound petty but for a long time I couldn't stand to be around them, because seeing them as a family just reminded me I lost the only family I had.

I didn't speak to anyone at the funeral. I couldn't even make a speech. I was just devastated. The only thing I did was listen to the sermon and stand by the casket when they buried them. As soon as the night was over, I cried myself to sleep in my bed. I had heard Isabelle knocking through my door. I knew she wanted to comfort me but I never unlocked my door for her. I never let her in. One evening during those weeks, we had a visitor. Isabelle had opened the door to a solemn looking Jace Herondale holding an envelope and a small bouquet of flowers. I watched from the edge of my bedroom door as he fidgeted nervously. What was he doing here?

"_Erm Isabelle…Hi! I know this is completely inappropriate to be at your apartment, but could I speak to Clary for a second? I did not stalk you guys by the way! I asked the admissions office for your address. I hope you don't mind. If you do, I can leave right now." Professor Herondale murmured nervously. _

"_No it's okay! Please come in." Isabelle smiled comfortably. She and I hadn't talked much since my parents died. It was straining our friendship. "I assume you're looking for Clary?" _

"_Yeah, is she around?" Jace asked._

"_Her rooms through there. Just knock first. If she doesn't answer don't try again. It'd be pointless." Isabelle said softly. _

"_Sure thing," Jace said, nodding his head. "I'll be a few."_

_I quickly darted into my bedroom and closed the door softly. I sat on the bed as my heart started to race exceedingly. Professor Herondale was heading towards my room to talk to me! Me! Oh my God. He couldn't come in here! There was a bed in here! This was totally inappropriate! _

_Mere seconds later there was a knock on the door. _

_Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! – "Clary?" he knocked softly. "It's me, Professor Herondale – Jace. Can I come in?" _

"_Yeah sure. Come in." I said shakily. _

_His big frame filled my doorway as he closed the door behind him. He looked slightly uneasy as he stepped forward and sat down beside me. He spread his hand out against the comforter. It was so close to mine I could feel the heat coming from it. _

"_I really shouldn't be here, but it's been almost three weeks since you last came to class. I wanted to see how you were. I'd say I'm sorry but I'm sure you've heard that loads of times in the past few weeks. I honestly don't know what to say. I, uh, I got you these flowers, not like they matter though, they'll probably die in a few days anyway – shit no I mean, fuck I didn't mean to say that – shit why did I swear? Shit. Sorry." He groaned loudly. "Shit. I said I wouldn't say sorry and I just did." _

_I laughed. I actually laughed. For the first time in two weeks, my shoulders shook and I could feel the force of my laughter in my stomach. He stared at me like I was crazy until he broke out into a small grin and shook his head at me. _

_It wasn't until we both stopped laughing that he started talking again._

"_The class misses you. It's an empty shell without its brightest student. I hope when you're ready you'll come back." He said delicately. _

"_It's hard." I whispered brokenly._

"_I can't imagine how hard, but you're so strong Clary. Your parents wouldn't want to see you like this." He rubbed at his eyebrow irritably. I noticed he did that a lot in class when he was upset. "I don't really know what say or do to help you, but you have photos up on your email account and there was one with you and your parents. You know that my speciality is portraits and drawing so I drew you this. We all deal with grief in different ways and maybe your talent can help you get through yours."_

_He passed me the envelope that was in his hand hesitantly and lowered his gaze to the floor. I opened the envelope as carefully as I could and opened the folded soft paper in front of me. I lost my breath as I stared at what was in front of me. It was a water coloured drawing of my parents and I. I recognised it from the photo. We were at my high school graduation and they were standing on either side of me. That was a happy day for us. I choked on air as tears welled up in my eyes. Shit. I was gonna bawl in front of Jace._

_"No no no don't cry. I'm sorry. It was a stupid idea." He tried to take the drawing away from me but I snatched it back as I gasp._

_"No it wasn't stupid. I love it. I really love it. Thank you. It's just hard to see their faces." I sniffed as I wiped my tears away. _

_"It's hard for me to see you cry." He gulped. "I hope when you're ready you'll come back to class. I understand if you don't. I'll think of you. I really should go now. This is beyond inappropriate for me to be here but I had to see how you were doing. You weren't replying back to my emails and you haven't been around campus."_

_"Sorry about that." I whispered. "I don't have the strength to read condolences."_

_"I understand." He smiled grimly. "Goodbye Clary." _

_But for some reason it looked to me that he really didn't want to go._

A few days after that short conversation in my room I had decided to pick myself back up and start classes again. I just hated the idea of the class being in a gloom because of what happened, so I got my supplies ready, asked a few classmates for notes on anything I missed, stuck the drawing Jace gave me on my bedroom wall and so began the circle of my life. I went back to class and people were kind and supportive. I caught up in class and Professor Herondale never brought up that evening, ever, but it's not like I was expecting him to. Ever since that day I'd been using art to help me get through my grief. Drawing, painting, sculpting, designing. I created art out of all my memories to help me deal with it. Soon life went back to how it always was. The weight of my parent's death would always be on my shoulder but I didn't let it drag me down. I tried to do them proud and followed my dreams and here I was a year later, almost finished with my art degree. The only thing that was different was that Professor Herondale and I were much closer. We were honestly good friends. We spoke about personal things. If one of us was down or upset, we'd cheer each other up. Though every single one of our conversations were appropriate. They were all through email or in class. Nothing against the law going on here.

I took a bite out of my warmed up pasta and clicked on his email, eager to read what he had sent. Why had I fallen for my teacher? Oh right, because he was amazing and had helped me deal with my grief the way no one else had. It truly upset me that this was my last year with him as my teacher. Some other girl was going to get taught by him. Lucky bitch.

The email loaded up and I finally got to see what he wrote. He had gone to England over this summer and we didn't get to speak as much which was upsetting, so any reply from him was wonderful.

* * *

**From: jaceherondale**

**To: claryfrayy**

**Subject: England weather sucks!**

**Date: D/M/Y - 15/9/14 08:05:25 am.**

Clary,

Why didn't you stop me from going to England? As great as it was to see my family, the weather sucks. It sucks ass. I miss the New York sun. I'm flying back in today. I should be there for six in the evening New York time and then I'll have to prepare for the new semester. ITS TWO DAYS AWAY. Great. Nothing better than teaching a bunch of brats ;) especially this one red headed brat...Jesus help me. Lol kidding. Anyway, wanted to check in how you were doing. We haven't spoken much this summer because of time change and schedules but I can't wait to catch up with you - and the rest of the class - and see how you guys have gotten on this summer. I hope you're doing okay. If you need to talk just hit me up. I should be on my New York schedule by the time you decide to reply to this.

Missed you this summer.

**Jace xD (your favourite professor)**

* * *

_Oh professor._

He said he missed me. Oh God, why do you do this to me? I couldn't handle it. I really liked my professor. It wasn't even a crush anymore. I had legit feelings for him to the point where it hurt and there was nothing I could do about it because he was my teacher. I hated it. Why couldn't I have fallen for someone I could have? It was so stupid and pointless. Unrequited love, the saddest thing in life. I sighed and swallowed down my pasta uncomfortably. I tried not to let my eyes tear up. I was sick of feeling like this. So I liked him. So what. I could get over it. I would eventually. I'd leave this year and we would slowly lose touch and I'll forget about him. It's so childish, I'm probably not the only one who feels like this about him and here I am making myself feel special about it. I clicked on reply and wrote back to him. I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost nine. He'd probably be at home by now, resting up from his tiring flight. Poor baby.

* * *

**From: claryfrayy**

**To: jaceherondale**

**Subject: New York shined all summer!**

**Date: ****D/M/Y - 15/9/14 **08:58:45 pm.

Prof,

It definitely wasn't me who told you to go to England! You could have hung out with us cool kids at the hipster stores but you decided not to! (You old man! Can't believe I talk to a twenty seven year old. Wow. I must be lame) You missed out on one of the hottest summers ever. It was boiling. Art melted of the walls over here. How was England? My summer was boring. Same old. Went shopping with Isabelle. Went to the beach. Checked out the museums again. Blah blah blah. And you're complaining about teaching a bunch of brats? You should meet my professor. He's such a douche. God knows how anyone stands him ;) anyway I must head out as I have my own school stuff to deal with before the semester starts. Talk to you later!

Missed you too.

**Clary (: (your favourite student)**

* * *

Sigh. All I would be was his student. I angrily slammed my laptop down and got ready for bed, suddenly feeling exhausted.

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**I had this all written yesterday then it all got deleted. I was crushed. My hard work and inspiration gone. It took a lot of effort to type it all up again tonight. This chapter sounds terrible to me but that's my frustration speaking. I hope you guys like it. This is the typical introduction. Gets more interesting later! The end of the first chapter. Hopefully next chapter will be up soon. No promises ;P hope you enjoyed it. Review & fav & follow. Xx**


	3. Chapter 2

**I'm glad I got such a good response from you guys about the first chapters! Thank you so much for all the reviews, fav's and follows! I'm really excited about this one!**

**Enjoy!**

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**Professor Herondale**

**Chapter 2.**

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**From: jaceherondale**

**To: claryfrayy**

**Subject: exhausted to death **

**Date: ****D/M/Y - 15/9/14 **23:12:05 pm.

If you say he's a douche I believe you. Sounds like a douche too. Are you ready to face another year of him? Think you can handle it? I hope you're ready for another tough year of work. You have your final project to produce this year too. Have you thought about it? If you need some help coming up with ideas don't be afraid to ask for it. I do have an art degree for a reason ;) I refuse to believe that's all you did all summer. Tell me more! I think I met someone this summer. She was really nice. She was in England for holiday too but lives in the city here though. Hopefully we'll see each other again and just maybe I might get back on the horse. Thank god! I was afraid I'd never meet someone and end up alone. Like you said I am an old man ;) it depresses me to think I only have three years before I am in my thirties. THIRTIES. Rejoice while you can Clarissa. What I would do to be twenty-two again. I am so tired; once again, I blame the old age. I never got this tired from flying when I was younger. I really should be going to sleep now, but I find myself talking to you.

**Your favourite professor, Jace.**

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**From: claryfrayy**

**To: jaceherondale**

**Subject: exhausted to stress**

**Date: ****D/M/Y - 15/9/14 **23:20:44 pm.

You met someone? You? I find that hard to believe. Did you not show her your douchy side? Lol. Well I hope she's what you want. What is she like? Is she pretty? She's gotta be disturbed looking to be interested in you :P Trust me your summer was probably way better than mine was even if you had shitty weather. Ever since the accident, I haven't really been up to doing much during summers. Summers were family time and I don't have that anymore. It's okay though. There's no point having a fun summer if you have no one to enjoy it with. I did think about my final project though. I'll talk to you in class about it. You should get some sleep.

By the way, I don't really think you're old. Not at All.

**Your favourite student, Clary. **

* * *

**From: jaceherondale**

**To: claryfrayy**

**Subject: I shall be your stress relief! **

**Date: ****D/M/Y - 15/9/14 **3:24:05 pm.

Well thanks at least someone out there doesn't think I'm old lol. The girl I met, her name is Aline Penhallow. She looks a bit like a faerie. She's quite nice, it might go somewhere but I don't see it happening...there was no passion when I met her, it was just...nice. And no! I didn't show her my douchy side; I leave that for the students ;) I can't wait to hear about your ideas for your final project! I bet they're amazing. Your ideas always are.

Maybe you should change the meaning of your summers. I know they hold a special place in your heart but you could always let them be something else. Complete your bucket list! Travel the world! It's what your parents would have wanted.

Maybe next summer you could go to England.

P. s. Do you want to use instant chat? If you wanted some stress relief. Easier to talk! Just click on the IM button. If you're too tired just email me back letting me know you're gonna head off to bed.

**Jace x**

* * *

He was interested in someone else. Someone else. I mean he said there was no passion but still he had met someone else. I shouldn't be surprised. He's a smart, witty and gorgeous. Women would be crazy not to show interest in him. The moment he had said he might have found someone else I could feel the tears collecting in my eyes and the choking sensation in my throat as my stomach tightened in pain. I had typed the emails with a heavy chest and pained heart. It wasn't until he had said it was unlikely that it would work out, that the weight in my chest lessened. It still proved how a woman would still want him and that I'd be no match for them. A student was all I was. God, why was I acting like I even stood a chance. to be honest if I really wanted to get over him I should have just stopped talking to him, but even though he was the one I had feelings for he was still my friend first, Professor second. I cared about him too much to stop now. Maybe one day I'd find someone better than him and move on. Yeah right.

Butterflies fluttered when he signed off with an 'x'. Even though he was my professor we always said it was too weird signing off so formal since we were good friends but sometimes we would just to take the piss out of it. Most times he signed off with an X not realising he was giving me irregular heartbeat syndrome. He didn't think it was inappropriate sending an X. It was just a kiss sign. Everyone signed off with it these days. I was obviously reading into too much. I clicked on the IM chat button and selected his name. He was the only person online. I put my food away, got tucked into bed and started typing.

* * *

**Claryfrayy:** Hey professor!

**Jaceherondale:** Clary! I keep telling you to stop calling me that!

**Claryfrayy:** I'm sorry I'm just used to it :p

**Jaceherondale: **well it makes me feel like an old man :(

**Claryfrayy:** fine I'll call you Jace from now on!

**Jaceherondale: **seriously? I have been trying to convince you to do that since I started working here!

**Claryfrayy: **I feel bad. It's my last year...It's the least I can do.

**Jaceherondale:** so I'll finally get to hear you say my name.

**Jaceherondale:** I can't wait...

Is it disgusting that what he said sounded so sexual to me?

**Claryfrayy:** I'm sure you just can't. What are you up to?

**Jaceherondale: **just lying here in bed, talking to you. You?

Uuuuh. Once again, my thoughts had gone haywire. I imagined him lying in bed, one hand on his phone typing to me, the other lying on his lap, maybe even lower. His eyelids would be low, fluttering from exhaustion. His hair would be unruly from the amount of times he'd ran his hands through It (a nervous habit I'd noticed) And he'd be all stretched out on the bed. Oh God, I had to stop thinking like this.

What I wanted to reply to him was: I'm lying here in bed thinking about you in yours. I wish I was there. I wish I could touch you, I wish you could touch me, but you can't so I'll settle for touching myself...While thinking of you.

However, if I said _thaaat_...I'd have to move to Canada. So instead, I said:

**Claryfrayy:** pretty much the same. Now where's this stress relief I was promised? I'm in desperate need.

**Jaceherondale:** well, there is one source of stress relief I could tell you about, but that would be inappropriate of me so let me give you something else.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod was he talking about-?

**Jaceherondale:** Let's play a game to get your mind off whatever is bothering you :)

_But it's you._

**Claryfrayy: **Sure. What game did you have in mind?

**Jaceherondale: **Let's do this. I ask you a personal question and you'll do the same. We give each other five questions. We can't avoid the question though, okay?

**Claryfrayy: **That's supposed to get rid of my stress? /:) the questions you ask will probably create more stress!

**Jaceherondale: **The point of the game is to make you so uncomfortable that you forget about your stress and worry about the questions. Trust me, okay? Do you trust me?

_More than you know._

**Claryfrayy: **Okay. Yeah I do. Hit me with your best shot Jace.

**Jaceherondale: **That's the first time you've ever referred to me as Jace. *shivers*

**Claryfrayy: **Haha. Go on, give me a question.

**Jaceherondale: **Okay. Hmm, I'll start of easy. How old were you when you when you had your first kiss?

**Claryfrayy: **This is so lame, but seventeen.

**Jaceherondale: **There's nothing wrong with that. It's good to know you waited till you felt ready, I assume? Your turn now by the way.

**Claryfrayy: **You assume right. Okay. I'm going to get uncomfortable with you. How old were you when you lost your virginity?

This was the point in my life, the first point actually, where I thought I had done something so inappropriate. My heart raced as I waited for his answer. I wonder how young he would have been. Sixteen maybe?

**Jaceherondale: **LMAO! I was eighteen. Her name was Krisha. She was a screamer. Wasn't so pleasant when she almost broke my eardrum. Same question back to you.

Oh thank god. I was so relieved he didn't tell me I was being completely out of line and needed to stop talking to him straight away. I knew if anyone else read our conversations they might say it bordered inappropriate but this was our friendship. We just got along so well that he didn't feel like my professor anymore. As you can clearly see. The next issue was, did I tell him the truth or not? Sigh. As lame as it was I had to tell the truth.

**Claryfrayy: **I can't give you an age.

**Jaceherondale: **Ah come on Clary. I answered when you asked me :(

**Claryfrayy: **The reason I can't give you an age is because there is no age. I haven't had sex yet...

**Jaceherondale: **fuuuuck. You lie? I don't believe you.

I didn't know what to think of his response. I was half annoyed, half flustered.

**Claryfrayy: **Is it surprising that not every girl loses her virginity at sixteen? I do have some pride you know. I respect my body.

**Jaceherondale: **Clary! You know that's not what I fucking mean. Jheez. I just thought, a girl as nice couldn't have been without male attention for long.

**Claryfrayy: **Sorry. It's just something I'm defensive about.

**Jaceherondale: **I get it. Any specific reason why?

**Claryfrayy: **Is that your next question?

**Jaceherondale: **Yeah.

**Claryfrayy: **I've never mentioned him but I have an older brother. His name is Jonathan. We don't talk much because he joined the army a few years ago and I see him only for a short time every couple of years. Its hard to talk about, especially with my parents gone. When we were teenagers he had a best friend called Sebastian. I had really liked him and he had liked me - so I thought. He had asked Jonathan for his blessing if we could date. Once he had shown John he was serious about the way he felt John said it was okay if dated. Sebastian and I were going really strong for a few months until he started getting irritated that I didn't want to do anything sexual with him. He started trying to push me. I wasn't falling for it though. One day when we'd come back from a date he'd invited himself into my house and decided we should watch a movie. He kept trying to come onto me during the movie but I kept pushing him away. I guess he didn't like that because next thing I know, he's trying to force himself on me. And everytime I said no he ignored me. If it wasn't for Jonathan coming home early that night I don't know what would have happened. Sebastian was also the person who was my first kiss by the way. Ever since then I have had no interest in anyone. You have two questions left. I have four. Better be careful.

**Claryfrayy: **You there?

It wasn't for another five minutes that he replied.

**Jaceherondale: **I'd just like to tell you, if I ever met this Sebastian guy, I would punch him so hard in the nuts they'd shrivel up inside his body and fall out of his ass. God, I didn't know you could strongly hate someone you never met as much as I hate this guy right now. I completely understand now. Someone as amazing as you doesn't deserve something like that happening to them. No woman does. I apologise on behalf of the male sex. I'm grateful your brother walked in when he did. Interesting to finally hear about him. You can ask me something now.

His words made me smile so hard I thought my cheeks would rip.

**Claryfrayy: **Thanks. That means a lot :)

_Smooth._

**Claryfrayy: **My question is what's the weirdest thing a girl has ever asked you to do?

**Jaceherondale: **Why are all personal questions always sexual?

**Claryfrayy: **Because sex can be a lot of things. Personal, hot, even funny.

**Jaceherondale: **Good point ;) the weirdest thing a girl has ever asked me to do was when she invited me to her place and then pulled out a taser. NOT a vibrator, not even a butt plug, but a god damn taser. Then she asked me to use it on her. I got out of there so fast there was a Jace shaped hole in the door. Ever since then I stopped accepting invitations to a woman's home.

**Claryfrayy: **Dear God. You don't understand just how much my stomach hurts from laughing at what you said. I am actually dying. It hurts. Help me.

**Jaceherondale: **I told you these questions would help you feel better ;) I'm glad to hear you're laughing. Okay! My turn now.

**Claryfrayy: **Come at me!

**Jaceherondale: **Here we go! Have you got any weird fetishes? Tasers perhaps?

**Claryfrayy: **Now this is an uncomfortable question.

**Jaceherondale: **oh my God! You have some! I want to know!

**Claryfrayy: **Not fetishes exactly, more like fantasies. Things I wouldn't mind trying out.

**Jaceherondale: **I don't care. Tell me.

We finally reached a place in the conversation where what we were discussing wasn't appropriate at all, something we could get in trouble for. I always said I wouldn't let it cross that line, but I couldn't bring myself to care. We were friends. It would be okay. I wanted to see if my words would effect him. It didn't really mean anything anyway, it's not like we were acting on these words. We were just sharing secrets.

**Claryfrayy: **I wouldn't mind being tied up.

**Claryfrayy: **I wouldn't mind it rough.

**Claryfrayy: **I wouldn't mind being bitten. Having marks left behind.

**Claryfrayy: **I wouldn't mind being dominated. Or dominating.

**Claryfrayy: **I wouldn't mind sneaking out to have sex in a public place.

**Claryfrayy: **I wouldn't mind a fake force fantasy. I think it would help sometimes.

**Claryfrayy: **My turn now right?

My stomach galloped into my throat as I waited for his reply. I was energised, worked up and so turned on right now I had no idea what he would say.

**Jaceherondale: **Yeah. Your turn.

Okay, so he had ignored what I said. Good. It didn't mean anything. I wasn't done feeling reckless though.

**Claryfrayy: **Have you ever thought about a student in a way you shouldn't?

**Jaceherondale: **Yes.

**Jaceherondale: **Don't ask me who.

**Jaceherondale: **I could never answer it. It was a long time ago.

I almost threw up. What the hell were we doing talking about this.

**Claryfrayy: **Ok. You have one last question left.

**Jaceherondale: **You're an artist. Have you ever wanted to paint a nude/be painted nude?

**Claryfrayy: **I've thought about it yes, but I never found anyone I could trust to do it. I've never met anyone I might be comfortable enough to do a nude of, or even thought was hot enough for a nude ;)

**Jaceherondale: **Lol. Interesting. Okay, you have two questions left. Ask away.

**Claryfrayy: **I've only got one more question I want to ask. Forget the second one.

**Jaceherondale: **Ok. Shoot.

Just one more time. I would be inappropriate one more time.

**Claryfrayy: **Before you suggested to play this game you said you had a tip you could give me for stress relief but that you couldn't say because it was inappropriate. What was it?

**Jaceherondale: **You really are trouble aren't you?

**Claryfrayy: **Answer the question.

**Jaceherondale: **Erm you know, sex or masturbation.

**Claryfrayy: **Is that what you do?

**Jaceherondale: **I thought you said you weren't going to ask another question.

**Claryfrayy: **I changed my mind. Answer it please?

**Jaceherondale: **Yeah, that's what I do when I'm stressed.

**Claryfrayy: **interesting. I'll think about trying it.

I almost choked on my words.

**Jaceherondale: **I guess you could do that.

**Claryfrayy: **Game over now. Thanks Jace. Sorry for keeping you up. We really should go to sleep now, it's almost half twelve, but thanks. I do feel a lot less stressed now.

Just more turned on. Like a lot.

**Jaceherondale: **No problem Clary. You didn't keep me up at all. I didn't even notice an hour had passed.

**Claryfrayy: **That's good. Sweet dreams Jace. Goodnight x

**Jaceherondale: **Oh, they'll be sweet. Goodnight Clary, x

**Jaceherondale **has signed off.

I let out a gust of breath as I signed off and lowered the lights. Damn. What was that?

* * *

"Urgh, I'm so not ready for class today. I'm still recovering COHF feels." Isabelle sniffed.

"Well there's not much we can do about that unless you want to miss class?" I asked her. I quickly buttoned up my green and black plaid t-shirt with dark blue jeans. I quickly combed through my wavy red hair and let it fall over my shoulders. With a quick apply of lipbalm I was ready for the first day of my first semester of the year. And ready to see Jace again. We hadn't spoken since our last conversation and now we would see each other at class. It was bound to be interesting.

"No, we must go." Isabelle frowned. "Let's deal with this bullshit. At least it's the last year and then were out of this place. Thinking about it kind of makes me emotional now."

"Tell me about it. Being out of school is going to be scary." I sighed.

"Let's stop thinking about the end. We'll deal with it when the time comes. You ready for class with the sexy professor today?" Isabelle winked.

I rolled my eyes at her but I could still feel my cheeks heat up. Isabelle knew I crushed on Jace hard, she just didn't know how hard. She also had no idea what had transpired last night.

"Yeah somewhat. I can't wait to see him again." I giggled.

"I bet. You are so lucky to be taught by such a hottie. All the medicine professors are so ugly and old." She wrinkled her nose at me.

"It can be distracting at times though, I'll tell you that." I slipped on my bag and we both headed out of the apartment.

We both said goodbye as we headed towards the different departments of the university. My heart raced at the idea of seeing Jace again after three months. I was so excited; I could feel my skin flushing and my fingertips tingling. I was coming up to the department doors when I met up with my sparkly good friend Magnus.

"Clarissa doll! How did your summer go?" He asked buoyantly.

"It was pretty lame. How about yours?" I replied.

"I spent my summer in England with Alec's family and the Herondale's." He winked at me.

"Lucky bastard." I muttered under her breath, causing Magnus to laugh deeply.

Magnus and Alec had been dating for three years. Alec and Jace were related. Their mothers were sisters so they were very close cousins. As usual, Alec would go to see his family every summer in England and Magnus was always invited. Jace would also go. As I said, Magnus was a lucky bastard. I wouldn't mind spending time with Jace and staying in the same house as him all summer. Maybe one night I would sneak into his room and crawl in to his warm bed. I'd wake him up with soft wet kisses over his smooth stomach; he would groan at the sensation and softly tug on my hair, holding me close to his skin. "Oh Jace..." I'd whimper. Slowly trailing down, I'd delicately bite along the indentations on his hips, which led to his hard... I shivered as goose bumps rose along my skin and my cheeks heated up. Luckily, Magnus didn't notice as he strode alongside me. I haaad to stop thinking like that. Dangerous thinking.

Magnus and I walked over the doors to the lecture room. The art department was made of five studios where we produced our work but the theory part of the work was all in the lecture room, which wasn't as boring as it sounds - not with Professor Herondale teaching you.

Magnus opened the door for me like the gentleman he was and we stepped inside. The first thing I saw was Jace, his head thrown back, in the midst of laughing at something I student said. The lustful thoughts I had been trying to keep under lock since I woke up rushed back in wild waves through my body. My legs liquefied at the sight of his smirk, his messy hair pushed back, his lean limbs hanging of his spinning chair. Jesus, he was beautiful. His eyes sparkled to life. I was staring at him for too long but I couldn't bring myself to look away. He reminded me of the sun, he burned and blinded me, but I didn't care. I just didn't care. All I could think about were the sweet words we swapped yesterday. Abruptly his eyes turned to the door where I was standing. His golden eyes meet mine and my skin flared. I felt like the most uncomfortable person in the room, especially with the fresh reminder of last night's conversation in my head. God, if anyone knew what we had talked about...He broke into a small smile and headed towards me. No no no don't do this. No one else was watching us because they were all too busy catching up with one another. There was no one to interrupt us.

"Clary! Hi!" He grinned as he walked up to me. "So glad to finally see you!"

"Yeah! You too!" I said shakily, fidgeting with the strap on my shoulder.

"Can't believe it's the last year already, huh?" He said. "I can't wait to get rid of you losers, finally!"

"Yeah, I can't wait to ditch you and work with real professionals." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Oh my!" He gasped dramatically. "You hit me straight through the heart Clarissa Fray."

"You should have become an actor with those skills." I giggled.

"I tried. They said I was too good. It wasn't fair to all the other actors." He sniffed arrogantly.

"Well it's good to see you're still so humble." I said sarcastically.

"Clearly," he winked. "Go take a seat, I'll start class soon."

I was so glad to see he wasn't acting weird or strange with me. He was good old Jace. Kind as ever and just as friendly. He would always be my friend.

"Okay." I smiled at him and headed towards my seat, but just before I could, he lightly grabbed my arm to stop me.

"It is so good to see you again. I really missed you this summer." He whispered. His eyes flickered as they gazed travelled down my body. Holy shit. His eyes burned me. It should be illegal for someone's eyes to cause this kind of effect.

"I missed you too." I whispered back meekly.

"You did, huh?" his eyes met mine again.

"Yeah I did. I'm sure I've said it before." I smiled. This was getting slightly uncomfortable. Why did I have to make myself believe this was an uncomfortable situation? He was just being kind and conversational like he was with every other student, but that stare...it made me feel like he was remembering our conversation from the day before.

Do you know how it feels to not be able to have the one person in the world that you really want? It sucks, knowing you will never be able to hold them, kiss them or just tell them how you feel.

"That's good to hear." he whispered in my ear. The feel of his breath on my ear lobe triggered my body to palpitate. A shiver rolled through me, making me visibly shudder. He watched as it happened. His face turned blank, as if shaking himself out of a stupor and walked away. Oh my god. How embarrassing. I cannot believe I just did that.

I watched as Jace headed towards the front of the room and stood at his desk. Everyone else got seated as Jace finally spoke.

"I am so glad to see you guys. Seriously never thought I'd say that to a class." He chuckled. "But you guys are like family to me, my favourite class." He stopped as the class started awwing at him and telling him that he was their favourite teacher. "Oh stop it you guys! But anyway, I just wanted to say, I can't wait for another year with you guys, the last year! Let's make the most of it, huh? And as always, if you need me, I'm right here. Just let me know."

I was sure I just heard every girl in the room sigh happily. They were definitely going to take advantage of that offer. I knew I did.

"Anyway," Jace clasped his hands together. "Let's begin with today's lesson. We'll be studying a topic I know you guys, especially the Y chromosome section of the class, have been excited to study over the past four years, but you guys know me so well, I love keeping the best till last, so without further ado ladies and gentlemen, we shall be studying Erotic Art!" He smirked at the class.

And began the cheering from the boys and groaning from the girls. However, I just felt like melting into my seat and wanting to pull of my cheeks with how much they burned. All this did was remind me of our conversation from yesterday.

This school year had just started and it was already fucking up weirder for me. I can't imagine how the rest of the year was going to go. I couldn't help but feel it was going to get worse and awkward.

Definitely awkward.

* * *

**Another introduction chapter really. Main plot sets in soon. I hope you guys enjoyed this! I really liked this chapter! Especially with all the conversations and sexual tension. The next chapter will continue from this. You'll finally get to see Clary and Jace in a classroom environment. I might not update for two weeks now. JUST TWO. Its officially the last two weeks of my exam semester. I have ten exams. Pray for me guys. I really want to do well. I promise after that I will have all the time to update! (I hope) I've never really set a goal for reviews, but I was thinking 40-50 reviews would be soo awesome? :D You might even get an earlier update then expected! Please enjoy, read, review, fav & follow! So tired. Its 4 am so sorry for any mistakes in spelling or grammar. Love you guys xx**


	4. Chapter 3

**So glad you guys loved the last chapter. It was so much fun for me to write! I hope you guys enjoy this one! You guys might want to check out the art piece I mention ;) You'll see the teacher side of Jace in this! And we're going full speed ahead! I don't want to drag this out, as much as I love sexual tension – I don't want this to be like those 20+ chapter fanfics I have set up right now. I just want a short story (knowing me it'll be long anyway!) Here's a long chapter! Hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

**Professor Herondale**

**Chapter 3**

* * *

"So, erotic art. What do we think about it?" Jace asked the class.

"Some chicks on that shit are really hairy." Raphael snickered from the other side of the class. "Did they not have razors back then?"

The whole class laughed at his joke but it was mainly the guys. The girls however…they didn't find this funny at all.

"You should be grateful girls shave at all. Girls shouldn't have to bother they mostly do it for guys." Maia scowled at him.

The girls muttered in agreement. So did I. Shaving was an annoying ass thing to do.

"That's not exactly what I meant Raphael. Try not to be so crude. Someone else?" Jace inquired.

"Aren't the really famous erotic pieces, from like back in the day, to show desires of what people couldn't have or couldn't expect because of the fierceness of religion?" Someone from the back shouted.

"Yes!" Jace shouted enthusiastically. "Back between the 1500- 1700 the church was very strict about art and how it was to be represented. Before this time, people were honestly relaxed about erotic art and nudity in art. The church did not like this at all because as you can see the church isn't really all that impressed with anything erotic. So they encouraged a style that promoted religious themes and the history of religion. They didn't want it to be something modern and stimulating to cause a strong reaction in people. As you can probably guess these paintings weren't as excited to the public as the erotic ones were. Most people who weren't educated didn't even understand what the painting was trying to tell them. Obviously the first caveman would even be able to understand what an erotic painting was trying to tell you. It was much more interesting than the religious pieces of art. It had people talking. However, lucky for people who weren't interested in religious art, there were enough artists out there who definitely were interested in changing the way erotic art was perceived. For a portion of this semester we will be looking at the history of erotic art, the modern response to it and famous pieces of erotic art. Then as our project for this semester, I want us to dabble in some erotic art ourselves. And no, that doesn't mean I want thirty projects of close ups of certain body parts I don't want to see. Erotica isn't just about sex. It's about individuality, the way someone expresses themselves in a way that they normally wouldn't be able to. You can hide the sexuality and make it as subtle as you want. I just want you to make it mean something. It's up to you. No one but me will see your project."

Oh god. An erotic art project. My worst nightmare, however, I loved listening to Jace talk about art. He was so passionate. It made me so hot.

"I am soo down for this project." Raphael commented.

"Of course you are." Jace rolled his eyes. "I know it's erotic, but try to make it something more than what modern media makes it out to be. You're an artist. Be better than that."

"Yeah yeah Prof." Raphael smirked.

"Okay guys, I'm going to show you a piece of erotic art on the projector. Try to not have such a strong reaction." Jace flinched.

Jace used the controller to switch on the projector and up came a painting.

_Oh my God. _

An oil painting was on the screen. There was a girl, her head was thrown back and her hands were in between her legs. She was naked. You could see her breasts and the slope of her body. There were waves in the background.

"Okay! Okay! Calm down." Jace snapped his eyes at the boys who couldn't stop whistling.

"Jheez, this is like porn in class. How is this even allowed?" One of the guys laughed.

"Because it's a part of art. It's not just about sex. The university didn't think you would act like a bunch of children over it. Grow up." Jace said, obviously irritated. "Now shut up and listen. Maybe you'll see past the sex. As you can see the ladies are being more mature about this."

I looked over at the girls and they were silent but they were definitely blushing from the picture. So was I and I knew exactly why. It was uncomfortable with Jace being there with such a…_hot_ piece of art in the room. Luckily I hadn't made eye contact with Jace since we all sat down. I didn't think I could look at him after this.

"Okay guys, this piece of oil painting is called Waves, by Anthony Christian. I'm not going to tell you anything about it. I want to know how you interpret it first. What do you think of when you see it?" Jace asked us. "And no stupid comments, for the love of God. It's a piece of art, treat it like one."

"Well, it's obvious that she's masturbating." Magnus smirked. I rolled my eyes at him as the class chuckled.

"Yes. Well done Mr. Bane, I didn't notice." Jace said dryly.

I had ideas about what the painting meant. I wanted to put my hand up but I was scared at being laughed at.

"Anyone please. Genuine ideas." Jace groaned, holding the bridge of his nose. The class replied in silence.

"The waves." I muttered. Magnus raised an eyebrow at me as the rest of the class turned around to look at me.

"Yes?!" Jace perked up, looking around for who spoke. He soon met eyes with me.

"The waves beside her, they're on the outside of her, but it also shows what she's feeling on the inside." I said meekly.

"What does she feel on the inside?" Jace asked, watching me carefully.

"Well like Magnus said, she's masturbating," I coughed uncomfortably while some people chuckled. "And what she feels on the inside is shown on the outside with the use of waves. The waves could have been used to show the pleasure she's feeling. The strength of her pleasure. People say that an orgasm can feel like wave after wave of pleasure that starts of strong but then ends softly. Like a wave. The artist used them to show us what she's feeling on the inside because we can't see it."

I looked up to see Jace was staring right at me. Was it me or was talking about orgasms making it really hot?

"How would you know what an orgasm feels like?" Raphael snickered.

"Shut up!" Jace scowled at Raphael. "She actually has ideas that make sense and are right. You don't contribute anything useful, so why don't you listen before you fail this semester?"

The class laughed as Raphael got berated by Jace. I was thankful he had taken the attention of me.

"As Clary was saying, the waves are used to show the feelings inside of the girl in the painting. What I want us to do today in class is create a piece of art where you use an object to express the way you feel on the inside and no, it doesn't have to be sexual. Even though we are discussing erotic art, I want us to look more at the art side than the sexual side. We look deeper than the picture in front of us because we are artists okay? We'll be looking at history more in other paintings!" He grinned. "Now, get going!"

The class started murmuring as they discussed what they were planning on making. I had no idea.

"What are you going to draw?" Magnus asked from beside me.

"Not sure." I murmured. "I don't know what I feel inside."

"When's the last time you felt something? What did you feel?" Magnus questioned as he opened his sketchbook and got his tools out.

_Last night when I was talking to our professor. _

But I couldn't say that.

"Lust." I whispered.

"Lust?" Magnus raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah I," I coughed. "Channing Tatum! I was looking at photos of him."

"That will do that to a person." He sighed happily. "So draw lust!"

"Who's drawing lust?" Jace asked as he walked past us.

"Clary." Magnus smirked.

"So Clary's going to draw the exact opposite of herself?" Raphael smirked.

"Why are you such an ass?" I growled at him. For the past three years that I'd been at this university he'd been such a pain in my ass. When I hadn't fallen for his seductive act he'd switched it to the asshole act. They were both as bad as each other. I couldn't stand him.

"Prof! She just used bad language." Raphael scowled.

"Bad language? What do I look like? Your fifth grade teacher? Shut up. You were being an ass. Go get to work. I'm sure Clary will have no problem presenting lust." He snapped at Raphael but sent me a confident smile.

"I'm not so sure now." I laughed uncomfortably.

"Have a little faith." He winked at me.

"Okay, so guys," He started heading back to his desk. "I'm going to go sit at my desk and do some work for the upcoming semester. You guys can spend this lesson planning or starting your design for your project. Hey, for all I care sit there and chat, it's your final grade. It's up to you. I'm here if you need help, just let me know."

I sat in front of my sketchbook and canvas and tried to decide what I was going to do. A lot of the students had to plan and write out what they were going to draw and create things in sections but with me it just flowed of my pencil, or paintbrush.

Jace had told us during his first year working here that the way he creates an image is by touching it. If he was going to draw a vase, he'd have to feel the vase, figure out the shape, curves and the roughness of it. He had to have a feel of the object he was drawing. He could do it of the top of his head but he found that he made a better piece of art by touch.

He had said this led to very awkward situations when he was doing portraits, which was quite funny. I can't imagine asking someone if you could practically feel them up to do a painting of them as best as you could.

I sat there for a while twiddling my thumbs wondering how the hell I would draw lust. The last time I felt lustful was when I was telling Jace about my desires. My cheeks heated up as I remembered he had ignored what I said and moved on to something else.

I could imagine him marking my work on lust and thinking what does she know about lust? She's a virgin. _Oh my God. _I totally forgot I told him that. Okay, never looking him in the eye again. I can't believe I actually did that.

Alright, time to work on this project.

I sat back and thought carefully about what I could draw. I could easily just draw Jace; an arrow to his crotch and BAM! Lust in a picture but I didn't think Jace would appreciate that. I didn't think that'd get me a good grade either. I wanted to draw him. He was the thing I lusted after. Perhaps I could figure out a way to do it discretely. I didn't have to draw his face or his traits. I could draw a man who looked hazily like him. I could give him golden eyes and the golden hair but I could surround him in a haze of red fire. Heavenly Fire. I giggled in my head at my own TMI reference. Isabelle really got it in my head.

I started outlining the shape of a muscular lean man on my paper. I left him shirtless. I rubbed out his dangling arms and decided to make this a much more provocative piece of work. I drew his arms so that one hand was resting on his chest and the other was snaking down his hips. I darkened the veins sticking out of his neck and defined the muscles in the stomach, drawing the V shaped muscles on his hips. I decided once I had drawn it completely I would paint his body with different shades of gold. Of course I would have to do a few drafts before I created my final piece of work. It would be beautiful. Any part of Jace always was.

Before I knew it class was over and we were free to go. I looked at my piece of work. All I had so far was the outline of the man and his features drawn. This was going to be a lengthy project if I wanted to get it right. Lucky I had the whole semester.

"Wow. Even though that guy is so hot, he doesn't look like Channing Tatum." Magnus smirked as we cleared up and got ready to leave class.

"I just made him up." I shrugged casually.

"Okay guys, class is over! I'll see you in a few days for the next lesson; enjoy the rest of your week!" Jace said at his desk, waving at the people who were leaving. "Miss Fray! Please stay behind for a second. I need to speak to you."

Shit. Was he going to ask about yesterday? oh my god. What if he tried to come on to me? _Please_, _in your wildest dreams Fray_. I watched as everyone left the room and the last person closed the door on their way out. When I looked back at Jace he was standing standing by his desk, packing up his stuff and putting it in his backpack.

"What did you need to see me for Jace?" I asked softly.

"That's the first time you ever called me by my name." he laughed.

"Oh yeah." I blushed.

"I like the sound of it." he coughed. "What I wanted to talk to you about was Raphael."

"Raphael?" I choked.

"Yeah. I've noticed he gives you a lot of crap and I'm tired of It. Do you want me to speak to him?" he said, looking at me tenderly.

I think I just fell even more in love with him.

"No I think it's okay. He likes to bother everyone." I laughed sadly.

"Are you sure? especially after what you told me yesterday about that Sebastian guy. I'd hate for anyone to bother you." He said delicately as he threw his backpack over his shoulder and walked up to me. I only reached up to his shoulders so I had to look up at him. I wanted to die inside as he acknowledged our conversation, but his offer to talk to Raphael because of what I said yesterday was so sweet I couldn't think twice about it.

"No honestly it's okay. It's very sweet of you to offer but that was such a long time ago. I know how to defend myself. Not long after what happened with Sebastian my brother made me take self defense classes." I smiled at him encouragingly.

"Your brother is a very smart guy." Jace grinned. "I'll see you later then? I've got a hot date in a few hours. I need to go get ready for it."

And here comes the tightening in my chest.

"The Aline chick?" I smirked at him.

"Yep her."He laughed.

"Lucky girl." I said sarcastically.

"Hey!" he scowled playfully. "I have good qualities."

"Really? Where are they?" I replied back playfully.

"Under the clothes." he winked. "Come on. We should head out."

He opened the classroom door for us and walked me out to the front of the department doors.

"So I guess I'll see you later?" he said.

"Yeah. Bye!" I waved as we headed in our separate ways. I wanted to cry. I didn't want him going on a date with another girl. He should be with me! Too fricken bad I was his student. Life was shit.

I knew Isabelle wouldn't be home yet. She was a Med student. Her schedule was crazy compared to mine. She had like five hours worth of classes everyday and I only had two art classes a week although some of those lessons could go on for a very long time when doing heavy art work. We also had to put in a lot of hours after classes too to get work done.

I walked home to my lonely apartment which I was used to. As soon as a new semester started I didn't see much of Isabelle but I understood. I headed towards my bedroom and decided that I was mentally and physically exhausted so I changed into my pajamas, climbed under the covers and went to bed.

* * *

When i woke up I saw that it was 10 in the evening. Shit. I must have been knackered to fall asleep for 9 hours. My sleeping pattern was going to mess up so badly. I slipped out of my bedroom, headed towards the kitchen to grab some food when I saw Isabelle sitting there eating a candy bar.

"Hey sleeping beauty. You had one class and you're already passing out all day. I had three classes today." Isabelle laughed.

"I know!" I groaned. "I'm the weak one."

"Everyone knows you could still kick my ass on your worst day." She smirked. "So how was class with Professor Sexy?"

"Okay. You won't believe what we are studying." I sighed.

"Erm. Gandhi?" As you can clearly see Isabelle doesn't know much about art.

"Nooooo. Not Gandhi. Erotic Art." I giggled.

"No way!" She yelled around a mouthful of candy. "Erotica and Jace? I hate you. I actually hate you. I'm so jealous!"

"Trust me it's more awkward than sexually stimulating. However it is still sexually stimulating." I winked at her.

"Lucky girl." She mumbled. "So what do you learn about in Erotic Art? Do you bring in nudes and draw them?"

"No Isabelle." I laughed, clutching my stomach. "We talk about the history of it, of other people's work and the ideas behind it and then we try drawing our own stuff but its more about feelings than it is about the sexual stuff."

"Boo." She hissed. "That's boring."

"That's art." I smirked.

"I see. I'm gonna head to bed okay? Goodnight Clare bear." Isabelle said, blowing me an air kiss.

I blew her one back and grabbed a box of cereal and poured myself in some. Nothing wrong with having breakfast 12 hours before you're supposed to. After I filled my stomach up, I headed back to my bedroom, got ready for bed, switched my laptop on and got tucked in. Surprisingly I saw that I had a IM on my email from Jace. He was online. Weird. Where did he find the time to email me when he had a hot date tonight? Was It over already? Was he waiting for me? It must have been a really lame date if he was emailing me now. I opened up the chat box and read what he said.

**Jaceherondale:** Hey! How you doing?

**Claryfrayy:** I'm doing well! should you be doing 'something' yourself right now? ;)

**Jaceherondale:** Lol I wish. The date was a dead end. It seems I may have been forcing myself to like this girl In England. In New York...not so much.

**Claryfrayy:** Aww I'm sorry about that.

**Jaceherondale: **Don't be. I'm not hurt.

_Okay, not feeling sorry anymore. _

**Claryfrayy:** Okay :) so what you up to?

**Jaceherondale:** In bed again. These days I'm in bed before 10. I feel like an old man :( I blame it on you students, you ride me too hard.

_Oh baby, I wish I could ride you that hard. _

**Claryfrayy:** Blame it on yourself Jace. Who said become a professor? :p

**Jaceherondale: **I regret it everyday. Especially when I have students like you I have to teach.

**Claryfrayy:** Whatever!

**Jaceherondale:** you know I'm kidding Clary. You're one of my favorite students, you know that.

**Claryfrayy:** Yeah.

**Jaceherondale:** So, what did you think of today's lesson?

**Claryfrayy:** It was interesting lol. I'm sure the boys enjoyed it more than the girls.

**Jaceherondale:** I really wasn't sure whether I should choose it as this semester's topic but I wanted something controversial but still had a lot of history to it.

**Claryfrayy:** It was a good choice for both those things.

**Jaceherondale:** I'm glad you think that. You had good ideas. What did you come up for lust then?

**Claryfrayy:** A man covered in fire.

**Jaceherondale:** That's very err...sexy.

**Claryfrayy:** Lol! when you see the whole piece you'll realise where the lust stuff is. Hidden meanings and subtlety remember?

**Jaceherondale:** Ah yes. My wise words.

**Claryfrayy:** Yep ;)

**Jaceherondale:** Well I look forward to it :)

**Claryfrayy:** I can't imagine how awkward you must have felt searching for Erotic Art.

**Jaceherondale: **Actually I didn't have a problem. All art is standard art to me. I love it all.

**Claryfrayy:** If that was me I would have died from embarrassment.

**Jaceherondale:** Sex embarrasses you?

**Claryfrayy:** Not sex as much as the vulgarity of the art.

**Jaceherondale:** I think the vulgarity is used to show the abandonment of modesty in the moment. When you would do anything for that spine tingling, chasing through your veins feeling? I think it's beautiful. Nothing more erotic than seeing some chase after what they want.

_Holy shit._ It just got hotter in here!

**Jaceherondale:** Do you know that feeling?

**Claryfrayy:** Yeah I do.

**Jaceherondale:** Then you must know how desperate it can make someone feel.

_Okay. Were we discussing the feeling of an orgasm?_

**Claryfrayy:** Yeah. I know that feeling.

**Jaceherondale: **have you ever been so desperate for something?

_You. _

**Claryfrayy: **Yeah. I feel it now.

**Jaceherondale:** What are you desperate for?

**Claryfrayy:** To feel something. I don't feel much anymore.

**Jaceherondale:** Are you still sad? I thought I cheered you up.

**Claryfrayy: **I'm always sad. I'm just good at pushing it away.

**Jaceherondale:** I wish I knew what would make you happy.

_You._

**Claryfrayy:** Me too.

**Jaceherondale: **You should try doing something crazy to make yourself feel alive.

**Claryfrayy: **What would you suggest?

**Jaceherondale: **Uum. Skydiving? Bungee jumping?

**Claryfrayy: **I'd prefer to do something that keeps my feet on the ground :p

**Jaceherondale: **There are lots of crazy things you can do, things that get your heart racing and your chest leaping out of your skin.

I just wanted to tell him how I felt. _So bad. _

**Claryfrayy: **There is something I want to do but I'm too scared…it's dangerous.

**Jaceherondale: **Will it hurt you to do it?

**Claryfrayy: **I'm not sure. Emotionally maybe. Not physically.

**Jaceherondale: **Sometimes you have to take risks to make good things happen.

**Claryfrayy: **Nothing good could come out of this Jace.

**Jaceherondale: **You never know until you try. You want to tell me what it is that you want to do?

**Claryfrayy: **It doesn't matter. I won't do it anyway.

**Jaceherondale: **Regardless of the outcome…if it'll make you feel better to do it, you should.

**Claryfrayy: **Thanks Jace. I'll think about it.

**Jaceherondale: **No problem. Let's take your mind of it. Want to play a game?

**Claryfrayy: **Okay Jigsaw ;)

**Jaceherondale: **Haha. Let's play would you rather.

**Claryfrayy: **How do you play that?

**Jaceherondale: **Wow. That's a young person's game. I'm surprised I know it and you don't!

**Claryfrayy: **I don't play a lot of games like you do!

**Jaceherondale: **Hmm. Sure. Okay, basically what happens is I give you two situations and you choose which one you would rather do. Don't expect me to go easy on you. These situations get rancid and ugly :p

**Claryfrayy: **Okay, let's play then.

**Jaceherondale: ** Okay, would you rather have a ketchup dispensing belly button or pencil-sharpener nostrils?

**Claryfrayy:** ….

**Claryfrayy: **Really Jace really

**Claryfrayy: **pencil-sharpener nostrils :'(less messy and gross!

**Jaceherondale: **Lol! Okay, you ask me something!

**Claryfrayy: **Would you rather have an extra mouth or a third arm?

**Jaceherondale: **Oooh tough. I can't imagine what I would do with an extra mouth, but a third arm…I think I'll go with the arm.

**Claryfrayy: **Haha! Your turn!

**Jaceherondale: **Would you rather go Hogwarts or Camp Half-Blood?

**Claryfrayy: **HOGWARTS :D

**Jaceherondale: **Cute. Your turn.

**Claryfrayy: **Would you rather find true love or have a million dollars?

**Jaceherondale: **True love.

**Claryfrayy: **Aww you big ole softie.

**Jaceherondale: **I know I know. Okay,would you rather have nudes of yourself up on the internet or have a video of yourself making out with a pie on the internet?

**Claryfrayy: **Definitely the pie. I wouldn't survive if there were nude photos of me out there.

**Jaceherondale: **Imagining a video of you out there making out with a pie would make me laugh way too much.

**Claryfrayy: **Please. I can't even imagine that. Okay! My turn. Would you rather watch your parents have sex or have them watch you have sex?

**Jaceherondale: **Why…? Why? How…?

**Claryfrayy: **I'm laughing so hard right now. Choose one!

**Jaceherondale: **You are sick. You are actually sick. Wait till it's my turn. Okay. I'd rather let them watch, I can easily hide it under the covers and at least I'd get to enjoy myself.

**Claryfrayy: **You are the sick one. How can you let your parents watch you? :p

**Jaceherondale: **You think that was sick? Okay. My go. Would you rather wake up naked and sore in all the wrong places (without any memory of the night before) next to the Burger King telling you "you had it your way" or to Ronald McDonald telling you that "you were loving it"?

**Claryfrayy: **I think I just peed myself. OMG. What kind of question is that?

**Jaceherondale: **Answer it woman!

**Claryfrayy: **Fine. The Burger King. *cringe*

**Jaceherondale: **HAHAHAHA!You had it your way huh ;)

**Claryfrayy: **Shut up!

**Jaceherondale: **Sorry :(

**Claryfrayy: **My turn. *Evil laugh*. Would you rather have an orgasm every ten seconds or every ten years?

**Jaceherondale: **Jesus Christ! Every ten seconds! I don't want to become mentally unstable!

**Claryfrayy: **Haha!

**Jaceherondale: **Alright, my turn. Would you rather go down on a guy or have a guy go down on you?

**Claryfrayy: **Well since I've never experienced either I can't really say.

**Jaceherondale: **Okay, hypothetically then.

**Claryfrayy: **Okay then, I guess I'd rather have a guy go down on me.

**Jaceherondale: **Interesting. Your turn.

**Claryfrayy: **Same question back at you.

**Jaceherondale: **I'd rather go down.

_God. That's what I'm going to dream about tonight. Him going down on me._

**Claryfrayy: **Alright, your turn.

**Jaceherondale: **Would you rather kiss a 80 year old or an 8 year old?

**Claryfrayy: **Urgh. 80 year old :'( I could never kiss an 8 year old.

**Jaceherondale: **lol! That's gross. You're gross. Ya nasty.

**Claryfrayy:** OMG lol. Shut up. My turn. Would you rather kiss your youngest student (at the university) or would you rather kiss the oldest professor (at the university, btw that's Professor Henry. The one with a white beard and a bold head)

**Jaceherondale: **AH. I'm going to have to say Professor Henry. Can't go anywhere near my students.

**Claryfrayy: **Alright.

**Jaceherondale: **Alright?

**Claryfrayy: **Yeah. Okay.

**Jaceherondale: **Are you okay Clary?

**Claryfrayy: **Fine.

**Jaceherondale: **What's wrong?

**Claryfrayy: **I'm so sorry but my head is spinning. I have the worst headache. It seems I can't reply properly.

**Jaceherondale: **Oh god I'm sorry. Don't let me keep you up. It's late. We should both head to bed.

**Claryfrayy: **Yeah we should. Goodnight Jace :)

**Jaceherondale: **Goodnight Clary, rest well x

**Claryfrayy **has signed off.

* * *

I couldn't keep talking to him. It was getting difficult. Speaking to him about certain topics made my head spin or my heart ache. We treated each other like we were the same age, on the same level of authority but we both knew this wasn't right.

I was so frantic to get my feelings out. It killed me to keep it all to myself. I couldn't tell anyone how I felt and it was slowly eating me from the inside. It was all I could think about. It consumed me. I needed to let it out somehow and the only way I could do it right now was to write an email to him. Not that I would actually send it, but I just needed to write it down and save it so one day, maybe one day, when I had the nerves I could send it to him. I opened up a new email and clicked on his name.

* * *

**From: claryfrayy**

**To: jaceherondale**

**Subject: something crazy**

**Date: ****D/M/Y - 16/9/14 **11:53:45 pm.

Okay. So, I don't know how I should go about this situation, earlier when we talked I told you I wanted to do something crazy, something I was scared about, something that I thought was dangerous. Well here goes…

I feel something for you. Something crazy. Over the past few years as our friendship has developed I couldn't help but fall for you. I know it's completely inappropriate, you're my teacher and I'm your student but it doesn't feel like that to me. Not in the way we talk, speak or look at each other. Not in the way I feel around you. It feels like you are one of my closest friends. You're always the last person I talk to before I sleep. You make me feel better when I'm sad. You make me laugh. You make me happy. You…you arouse me. Your words make me feel things no one else makes me feel. When you smile at me I feel…light. I feel happy.

When I lost my parents, you were the person who made me want to bring myself to life. You made me want to try again. I will always care for you because of that. I care so much…about you. I'm not telling you this because I'm vying for love. I'm not broken. Even after everything I've been through, that isn't why I'm telling you this. I don't have this need for love. I'm not weak or depressed. I'm sad, yes, but that's only because having these feeling for you from afar is starting to take its toll on me. I know I'm strong. I'm just going after something I want. I'm being brave enough to take a chance (I hope).

I don't know what my words will mean to you, but I can tell you they mean a lot to me. I don't know how you will feel about my words but I just had to get them out. It kills me to keep my feelings inside when I just want to tell you. Does it matter that I am your student…does it really? In eight months you won't be my teacher anymore. All I know is that I want to be with you. I want to talk to you every day and spend all my time with you. I want so much and to do so much with you. I want to experience things for the first time with you.

I know this is so bad of me to say. I won't be surprised or too hurt if you decided to completely ignore me or cut me off after sending you this email, even though I probably sent it at time you aren't my teacher (I think) I don't mean to send this to you straight away, this was just to get my feelings down so that one day when I was ready I would be able to send it to you.

I don't know what else to say. I just wanted to tell you how I feel.

**Love,**

**Clary.**

* * *

There we go. My feelings were there on the screen. The weight in my chest felt a lot lighter now that I had written it all down. Exhaustion caused my eyelids to flutter. My body was begging me to switch off regardless of me sleeping the entire day away. I quickly pressed the send button and switched my laptop off. Hopefully tomorrow would bring a better day.

I stretched out in bed and thought about my future. I can't believe I felt this way about my teacher. I never thought this would happen to me. I saw it in the movies and in books but I never thought I'd be placed in that sort of situation. Now I realise just how difficult it is to feel this way. With any luck it would all be okay. He would tell me how he feels about the email I sent and everything would sort itself-WAIT-did I say sent? Sent?

_Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit–_

I quickly got out of bed and clutched my laptop, switching it on, hoping my mind was tricking me in the late hours of the night. I hastily logged into my email, entering the information, in a hurry, wrong twice! I clicked on my sent box and saw it there.

_**To: jaceherondale Subject: something crazy**_

I couldn't breathe. _Oh my God!_ I sent my teacher a love letter. I sent him a love letter! Oh my God, I was going to die. I couldn't breathe. I was supposed to click send to drafts, NOT to _him_!

"Isabelle!" I screamed into the dark room. "Isabelle! Isabelle! IZZY!"

"Whoa! Whoa! What's going on?" Isabelle rushed into my room.

"I messed up Izzy." I gasped, my hand grasping at my rising and falling chest, tears falling out of my eyes. I couldn't keep it from her now. I had to tell her what was going on with me.

"What did you do?" Isabelle panicked, switching the light on and sitting on my bedside, reaching for me.

"Something really bad Izzy. Fuck I really messed up. I'm so screwed." I whimpered as I choked on my sobs.

* * *

**AND THAT'S A WRAP. OMFG WHAT IS JACE GONNA DO WHEN HE SEES THAT EMAIL?! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Fav/Follow/Review! You guys are the best and my exams are officially over. HELL YEAH! Love you guys, thanks for all your good luck messages and your patience. I haven't had the time to reply to anyone's reviews like I used to before I got really busy so I'm definitely going to reply to any that are sent from now on! Enjoy reading!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Ahh the chapter you've been waiting for. What will Jace say about the email? You'll find out below. Thank you for all your lovely reviews! I got so many! I was shocked! I've never gotten so many so early in a story EVER! THANK YOU SO MUCH *hearts and hugs all round***

**Btw – Does anyone read the Grisha books by Leigh Bardugo? Ruin and Rising? I NEED TO VENT. If you have, PM me – if you've read the last book.**

* * *

**Professor Herondale**

**Chapter 4**

* * *

"Oh my God Clary. What have you done?" Isabelle cringed as she read the email I had sent Jace last night.

"I know, I know! I've really messed up this time haven't I?" I sniffed.

It was 2 am. I had spent the last two hours trying to explain the situation between Jace and me. The least I could say was she was shocked. She never expected this to happen but then again I had never expected I would fall for my teacher either.

"Wow. This could result in something so bad Clare bear." Isabelle worried her lip. "He could either tell you that he feels just like you do and wants to have a try at what you offered or he could say he's sorry but you need to transfer classes because he doesn't feel the same way. Damn either way both choices are going to be difficult and dangerous."

"I know! I'm not even considering the first option. He's obviously not going to say he feels the same way. For god's sake, he's a teacher. He's going to tell me to transfer classes and he'll never speak to me again. Great. I just ruined everything. This is why I shouldn't be allowed to do anything after 12 am." I wailed, tears building up again.

"Do you think that there's a chance he won't see it or his entire email with delete all his stuff?" Isabelle said hopefully.

"With my luck, I doubt it." I frowned.

"I'm sure we can figure a way to sort this out. Is there any way you can make it as if it wasn't meant for him?" Isabelle asked.

"Like what? Say there's another teacher I have deep conversations with, who helped me get my life back together and who I have feelings for?" I said sarcastically, causing Isabelle to laugh.

"Well I guess there's not much we can do then." Isabelle sighed. "We're just going to have to deal with it as it comes along, ok? Whatever happens I'll always be there for you. Whatever he says or does, you'll be able to deal with it. You've dealt with much worse things. I know it's going to be okay."

"Thanks Isabelle." I exhaled. As long as she was on my side I knew I could deal with this, whatever the outcome. "I really need you."

"You know I'm here for you Clare bear. How about we both just go to sleep now, huh? It's been a long day and we deserve some sleep. It's going to be a rough first week at school if the first day is any indication." Isabelle yawned.

"Yeah I guess so. I don't know how I'm going to sleep." I laughed painfully. "I'll try though Izzy."

"That's the best thing you can do right now. Hopefully tomorrow will bring better things." Isabelle said as she rose from the bed and headed towards the door. "Goodnight Clary."

"Goodnight Izzy." Isabelle closed the door behind her and I sunk in the silence.

My eyes were sore from the crying and my cheeks hurt from rubbing at them so much. My heart had barely calmed down and my head thumped like a drum but there wasn't much I could do about it until I got a reply. God, if only I could see his face as he reacted to my email. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Maybe I wasn't the first girl to tell him I had a massive crush on him. Maybe loads of girls had done this and he'd just think, 'Ah, another girl. Not a big deal.' Yeah. I'm sure he'd been in this situation loads of times before. I'm sure he wouldn't make a big deal. Not at all.

* * *

Eventually I woke up at 7 am. The first thing I did was grab my laptop and check if I had a response from Jace. I didn't. I didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. I just wanted to get this over with already. What if he acted like he didn't get it to avoid awkwardness? A part of me was hoping he would do that, the other part of me knew that it was unlikely.

I carried on with my day as usual, with the exception of checking my email every ten minutes on my phone. The day had passed with me hiding in the apartment and I didn't get a reply. It was almost ten in the evening when I knew he had definitely seen it. We talked every day, throughout the day, and always at night. If he hadn't seen it he would have messaged me by now acting like everything was normal, but he hadn't. He was avoiding me. He wouldn't talk to me. I felt a gaping hole in my chest. I was going to lose one of the best friendships I had. There weren't many people I could turn to and Jace was one of them. I was going to lose a best friend. It fucking sucked. What the hell was I supposed to do? I was too scared to log into my email to check whether he was online or not. I would have to face him soon though. I had a class with him in four days. I was unlucky and lucky to have an art lesson on Monday and Friday. Lucky in the sense that I loved having such a long break but unlucky because Monday and Friday were the worst days to have classes, the beginning and the end of the week. At least I had four days to get my shit together. I didn't want to be a mess walking into his class on Friday.

_Wednesday…_

_Thursday…_

It was Friday morning and I was absolutely shaking. He hadn't said anything to me in two days and we had class today. Erotic art class. _ Jesus. _My week couldn't get worse. I tried to eat as much of my breakfast as I could which wasn't a lot honesty. I felt like I was going to throw up. I threw on a dark blue sweater that came to my knees and a pair of leggings with my usual converse. It just wasn't the day I could dress up. I threw my hair up into a ponytail and I forced myself to walk towards the doors of the art department. The class was joyous as usual and everyone was bustling around, talking about their busy week.

"Guys! Sit down, please." Jace said exasperatedly.

I looked over at him. He looked absolutely _awful_. His hair stuck up everywhere, not the usual sexy way that it was naturally messy, but wrecked, like he'd been ripping it apart. _Poor hair. _His eye bags were dark and stark on his pale face. He looked sick.

"What's up Jace?" A student asked him.

"Rough week." He smiled meekly. "Alright, I was planning on doing a history lesson on art today but I really don't have the energy to do that. So I've rearranged it for Monday's lesson. As for today, you guys can just carry on with your art work. Can you guys try working as quietly as you can? I'm going to just sit at my desk and try not to pass out." He waved us off and sat at his desk.

He barely glanced at any of us. The class looked around and shrugged their shoulders. This was new. We always had a discussion about art before we decided to actually do some art work. He must have been really upset about something. _Jesus. Was it the email?_ Everyone sat in their seats and started preparing equipment for their art project.

"Do you know why he's like this today?" Magnus asked.

"No idea." I murmured.

"I bet it's because he hasn't been laid lately." Magnus shook his head. "I get cranky like that too when I haven't been laid in a while."

"Magnus!" I grimaced. "Stop. It's probably something serious that's got him all tied up."

"Aww. I feel bad for him. I hate seeing Professor Hottie like this." Magnus frowned.

"Same." I whispered.

Everyone was working quietly. All you could hear was one or two quiet murmurings of people talking about work. I looked over at Jace and he was sitting at his desk, writing something. He didn't look up once. He didn't look at me either. I kept looking up, hoping I'd meet eyes with him, to get any idea of what he was feeling but he didn't look up at all. It made my stomach tighten and my heart beat faster. I couldn't even hold the pencil properly.

I drew random bits and bobs on my paper. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. All I wanted to do was walk out. It wasn't unusual for someone to walk out because of an emergency but it felt disrespectful doing it to Jace. I knew if I walked out he would know why. I slowly watched as the time passed and our lesson came to an end. It was the quietest lesson we'd ever had and it was my entire fault. I'd obviously put Jace in this bad mood and he was the life of the party. If he wasn't totally present it wasn't fun.

"Alright guys," Jace sighed, roughly running a hand through his hair. "You guys can leave. Sorry about today. Hopefully Monday's lesson I'll look alive." He grinned tightly. It was easy for everyone to see it was fake.

Slowly everyone started leaving the room, totally confused about Jace's unsettling mood. I was the last one left in the room.

"Clary, stay behind." Jace said tersely.

_Shit. Moment of truth. _

Everyone was gone. It was just him and me. My heart beat was erratic. I couldn't look up to meet eyes with him. My legs felt like jelly. I couldn't move from where I stood. I heard his footsteps come closer and in a few mere seconds he was standing right in front of me.

"Clary," he whispered. I could feel his breath, making my hair flutter away from my forehead. "Look at me."

I slowly raised my eyes to meet his tortured ones.

"I guess you got my email." I whispered shakily.

"Clary…" he sighed painfully. "You're my student. Now I'm not going to say anything to anyone but I think…we should stop talking, like the way we do now. I'm really sorry that this happened. I didn't mean to make you feel like I felt a certain way about you. I feel like it's my own fault. I've never been good with boundaries." He chuckled bitterly.

My heart slowly shattered. I could feel the blood rushing in my body, trying to escape so I could explode and never have to remember this moment. My head felt so heavy, I felt dizzy. All I wanted to do was fall.

"No. I'm sorry. It takes two to make these things happen. I shouldn't have sent it." I murmured, trying not to let the burning ache in my throat and the stinging in my eyes affect me. "Is this why you were in a crappy mood today?"

"Kind of." He cringed. He looked away, entirely uncomfortable. "Don't blame yourself."

"Okay." I whispered. I couldn't help it. The first tear rolled out of eye as I choked on a sob.

He looked up with wide eyes as he tried to come closer. To comfort me. "Clary…" he said gutturally.

"No, please, don't." I whimpered, stepping away from him.

"I'm so sorry." He pleaded as he stepped back as well. "I just wanted us to be friends."

"It's okay. These things happen. I'm sure it's not the first time it's happened to you. I should have known better." I laughed, trying to make light of an awful situation. "Can I just ask something?"

"Yes?" He said nervously.

"Do you have anything to say about what I said? Anything?" I whispered.

He tensed slightly. He wouldn't look at me.

"I'm glad I helped you come back from your parent's death. That means a lot to me. I'm sorry that I can't–" He cut off and shook his head, unable to speak anymore.

_That was it? _

"I'm going to go now." I said hoarsely.

He didn't say anything as I walked away.

* * *

I didn't go to class the next Monday…or Friday. I spent the entire week curled up in a ball crying my eyes out while ugly snot made its appearance. I alternated between crying in Isabelle's lap when she was home, while she cursed Professor Herondale, and crying in my bed all alone while listening to sad Taylor Swift songs. Isabelle was so angry and disappointed when I told her what had happened. I could relate. I felt just like I did when I lost my parents. Like a massive chunk of my heart was missing and there was no way to replace. I was so fucking angry. I put my heart on the line and I didn't even get a measly reply. All I got was some angst filled apology and it pissed me off. What did I really expect? For him to proclaim his love me? Yeah right. There was more chance of a flying pig peeing over my head than that happening. I had told him everything, how I felt, what I wanted and how he made me feel and yet I didn't get anything back. I was so embarrassed.

Every time I thought about the situation I cringed so badly. Why did I send that email? Why did I write it? I was so _fucking _stupid. I barely ate. I was so depressed. The first guy to make me feel something in such a long time and this was the situation life had to put us in. Why couldn't have life had let Jace been some random guy I met at a coffee shop or a boy in my class. Why did he have to be my teacher? Why did life have to play such a sick joke on me? I just wanted to be happy for once. I always lost the people I loved the most. I guess it was why I was so scared to get close to anyone.

It was Monday morning, the week after Jace and I had spoken when I found the drawings for my art class in my folder. I saw the drawings of Jace I had planned out for my final project and they angered me so much more. I ripped the drawings in half and shredded them apart as I screamed and cried on my knees. I could feel myself having a panic attack. How could I have allowed life to get like this? I dug my head in between my knees to calm myself down. It was a few hours later that Isabelle walked in, finding me rocking back and forth, crying my eyes out.

"Clare bear." Isabelle sighed sadly. "Come on sweetheart, at least get into bed. Please? For me? I can't stand to see you like this."

She slowly pulled me off the floor and held me as she walked me into my bedroom. I had no idea I could fall so far. I slid into the warm bed, which did wonders for my numb ass.

"When do you think you'll be able to go back to class Clary?" Isabelle asked softly as she wiped my tears from my face.

"I don't know." I croaked. "I can't look at him. I barely imagine his face and I cry."

"I can't imagine how awful this is Clary." Isabelle smiled sadly. "But it happened. There's not much we can change about it. You have to pick yourself up. You still have your life ahead of you. It may feel like the end right now but it's honestly not. I told you I'd be there for you if this ended badly but I can't stand to see you like this anymore. Please Clary, get better for yourself."

"I want to. I really do. I just don't know how." I sniffed.

"It'll take time, but babe you have to go back to class. You've got only this year left. It's two semesters. You've started one. Think about it this way, if you fail this year you have to come back for another year and see his face. Better to graduate and get away from him, huh?" Isabelle nudged her.

"I guess so." I smiled softly. "I'll try. I'll go to class on Friday."

"Yay!" Isabelle clapped gleefully.

"I said I'll try." I reminded her.

"Better than nothing." Isabelle shrugged.

"Have you seen him around campus?" I asked her.

"Yeah." Isabelle tensed.

"And?" I pushed.

"He looked okay. Not overly happy but not depressed. Magnus said he was the same as he was the first lesson you saw him after the email. Quiet and reserved." Isabelle said. "He probably does feel really bad. He did care about you."

"Yeah, he might have." I said half-heartedly.

"He did Clary. Only a person who cared about you would help you try to overcome your grief and be your friend." Isabelle argued.

We didn't talk about it after that. Instead we popped Mean Girls into my laptop and laughed our asses off to make ourselves feel better. We talked about Christmas holiday plans and whether we were going to go home for the holidays or not. I had decided against it, but Isabelle said she'd convince me to go.

"So how are things going with Simon?" I asked. During my own drama I had forgotten about other people's problems and I didn't want to be that person who became self-absorbed with their own problems that they forget about their friends.

"Ah the usual. I tease him like hell and blushes like it too." Isabelle laughed. "My job there ends soon. Just before Christmas. I'm going to ask him out."

"Hopefully he won't shut you down." I murmured.

Isabelle snorted. "If he does we can cry and bitch together."

"It's a deal." We fist bumped.

* * *

Friday, two weeks since last Friday, I walked into my art classroom; however, I refused to let Jace see me down from our situation. I was going to play it up. Let him see he didn't affect me…he probably didn't care but it was the only thing that made me feel better, just the possibility that he may feel shitty and regretful. My hair was curled and fell in soft waves down my back and my chest. My eyes were lined with black kohl which made the green of my eyes pop out more. Surprisingly, the sun was out and it was too hot for winter clothes, so summer clothes were back in for today. I wore a backless jade dress which fell just above mid-thigh. I matched it with brown boots and left my legs and arms bare. Jace Herondale…get ready to eat your heart out.

As I headed toward my seat I heard Magnus whistle low.

I raised my eyebrow at him.

"Damn girl. I have never seen you so dressed up before or seen so much of your skin." He raised an eyebrow back.

"Girls dress like this all the time during weather like this." I countered.

"Yeah but you never do. You're all about the casual and comfy." Magnus chuckled.

"I thought it was time for a change." I winked at him.

"Cuuh-laaair-eey! Damn!" Raphael whooped in front of me. "About time you showed us some of that skin you hide all the time."

Some of the boys chuckled under their breaths.

"Oh shut up you pig." I scowled at him.

"Sorry baby, seeing you all dressed up like that," He grinned, looking me up and down slowly. "It gets me all excited. Can't help it." He shrugged.

"Whatever." I didn't look to see if anyone else saw the change in my wardrobe.

I only wanted one person to see it.

I didn't look up to see Jace. I didn't look to see if he was looking at me, if he noticed in the difference of how I dressed. Let him think I didn't care. Maybe I could trick myself into thinking I didn't either.

"Clary!" Jace thundered from the front of the lecture room, heading towards me, his stride increasing.

_Shit. _

The class started chuckling and whispering.

"What?" I said back weakly.

"What are you doing here?" Jace narrowed his eyes at me.

"Class." I said, still standing behind my seat. I didn't even get the chance to sit down.

"Class? Oh really? You finally decided to show up?" He tilted his head mockingly. "What makes you think I want you in my class? You don't get to miss for two weeks without an excuse. You're behind on work. You don't know the history of art I've taught these students the past two weeks. What do you plan on doing about it?"

My shoulders sagged. It was bad enough he broke my heart. He couldn't let me off? Didn't he realise how mortified I was with our situation and how I needed some space? Of course not, life for me has never been _that_ easy. What a cold hearted little ass. How dare he yell at me like some insolent little kid when he knew how hurt I must have been? He saw me cry for the love of God. I decided to throw it right back in his face. If he was going to be an ass in our situation, well then so was I.

"Does it even matter? Not like you're stupid history lesson is going to help me graduate. We've done all our coursework in the past three years. This year is just the two final projects. I don't care for your history lessons. I can create my art pieces in my own time. I don't need you." I glared.

Jace's eyes widened at my words as the class broke out in an "Ooooh!"

I swear these college students acted like they were still in middle grade.

"Fine. If that's what you think, get out of my class _Clarissa_." Jace scowled.

"Fine with me, _Professor Herondale_." I turned my back to him and walked out of the room, while the rest of the class made noises as they gossiped about what just happened. They didn't understand why there was tension between Jace and me.

God, I can't believe he was being _such _an asshole! He knew he had hurt my feelings but he was still yelling at me like _I _did something wrong. Jackass! Jackass! Jackass! I fucking hate him-

"Stop it!" My arm twisted as someone pulled me back and pushed me into an empty room. I was banged into a hard chest. "Stop being a stubborn brat. You think I wanted this? I'm your teacher! I'm sorry but what were you expecting?!"

I looked up in shock at Jace's violent reaction. He had followed me out of the classroom.

"What are you doing?" I whispered.

"I don't know. I'm trying to do right here but I just…" he groaned as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Stop missing class." He said harshly. "Attendance will lower your grade and check your fucking email. I apologize about what happened, okay? We just have to both move on from it. In a few months we never have to see each other again. Just fucking deal with it okay? I can't do with this added to my plate."

"Alright." I sighed sadly. I was defeated and exhausted. I didn't want to do this anymore. How did my life get so complicated in a few weeks? I blame technology. "Why are you acting like this? We were supposed to be friends."

"Because you ruined it!" He lashed out. "You are my student! I'm your teacher. We were only supposed to be friends. We were good friends Clary. I wanted to help you but I think I helped you too much."

I shook my head in understanding, not completely meeting eyes.

"I truly am sorry. I know the last time we spoke it was some weak apology but I really am. I never meant for you to fall for me, or feel that way."

"But it just happened anyway, huh?" I laughed bitterly.

"I…" he looked so pained.

"Didn't you know what you were doing though?" Fuck this. I was going to call him out on his bullshit. "You know you flirted with me right? You asked me sexual questions! You told me about your day, about how much you missed me, you tried to make me feel better when I was down! You told me to do whatever made me feel better no matter what the outcome and when I did you flipped on me. I'm sorry but you ignored me for three days after I sent that email. I didn't ignore you. You can apologize all you want but the reason you're so angry is because you knew this would eventually happen but you let it happen anyway."

He looked away briefly. He knew what I was saying was true. He just didn't want to admit to it.

"This was pointless. Bye Jace." I turned around but he made a strangled sound and groaned.

Next thing I knew, there was an arm wrapped around my waist pushing my back against his chest. I gasped at the impact. I was right up against him. I had never been so close. I could feel the cotton of his shirt touching the exposed skin of my back. He pushed my hair back off my shoulder and put his mouth close to my ear.

"You have no idea…no idea…how difficult it is not to cross boundaries, especially when you want to. You know the reasons why I asked you all those questions? Why I helped you? Why I told you how special you were to me? Because I think subconsciously I wanted you to…feel like _that._" His chest shuddered beneath me. "I wanted to make you feel special because you are special. I helped you because I knew you needed it. And I asked you those questions…because…because…I wanted to know what you liked. What you fantasised about…I wanted the image in my head, so I could imagine it. Imagine you. I just _wanted_."

My heart was beating so fast. I understood what he was telling me but I knew it also meant it was never going to happen. The hand that wasn't wrapped around my waist travelled up my arm and touching the bare skin of my back.

"All this skin," He murmured. "I've never seen it. I want to see it all."

I inhaled deeply.

"What I want," he said, slowly rubbing circles into the skin of my back, the arm around my waist tightened, "Is to make all your fantasies come true. Remember what you told me? I want to do to you what you told me you wanted. To tie you up. Bite you. Dominate you. Fuck you rough. However you like." He nipped at my ear.

_Oh. _My stomach dipped in arousal, tightening. _Holy shit. _Was he actually telling me this? I prayed to god I wasn't dreaming. I couldn't help it, a low moan escaped from my lips. My breathing was shallow and loud. Fuck. If he didn't know how he affected me before, he sure knew know.

"Something tells me you like the sound of that." He blew against my ear, causing me to shiver. "But all these things I want Clary…we can't always get what we want. I'm sorry sweetheart, but even a man like me can be weak, can desire and act like he can have what he wants but he can't _really _do anything. Clary, understand, please, I _can't _do anything. That's why I've been so angry and an ass about this. Check your email for me, okay? I'm sorry I've been so awful. I'm so sorry, if you know what's best for you, you'll walk away from this. This will only end in destruction."

Even though he told me to walk away, he was the one that let go of me and left the room.

* * *

**So you guys probably hate Jace right now, or me. Please don't hate me! :P You'll learn next chapter why Jace acted the way he did in this chapter, it might even be in Jace's POV if I can make it work. Might not be, depends on the secrets about him I have to keep to myself ;) Review, follow, favourite! Love you all! xoxo**


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Thank you for all your lovely reviews! Like wow! Over fifty for the last chapter! Thank you so much! I love reading them so much! **

**I'm really sorry these chapters are taking so long, but after my exams my family took me on a really long holiday tour around Europe as a graduation gift! I barely had any Wi-Fi and didn't really have the tools to write a chapter but I'm back now!**

**P.S. I know it's difficult waiting for a fanfic author to update one of your favorite stories but writing isn't always easy and it takes time and really I didn't even have a computer. A few people left me some pretty rude reviews and PM's that weren't so sweet to come home to. They really hurt. People threatened to stop reading and reviewing if I didn't update by a certain time. That was really upsetting. If you feel that way then honestly you must not really be interested in this piece of work or the writer's feelings because someone with feelings does actually write all this stuff, ya know? That person's me. I'm really sorry guys. I hate it when I have to wait for my fanfics to update too, it can be pretty frustrating, but I'm back now so all should be good.**

**P.S.S. sorry for the ranting. Story time. ****Hope you enjoy. A certain sneak at a POV you guys have been asking for is here, a long chapter! hope it makes up for the wait ;)**

* * *

**Professor Herondale**

**Chapter 5**

* * *

After the tense moment with Jace, I slowly headed home in a daze, still unbelieving of what he had told me. All those things he had said…wowza. The way he had held me against him…How was I still breathing? I understood the situation properly now. Clearly there was no beating around the bush about it. He did feel a certain way about me, but there was just nothing he could do about it. He refused to do anything about it, so there we were. At a standstill and we weren't going to be moving any time soon.

A part of me was glad that Jace felt the same way and that I wasn't alone in my feelings, but a part of me was truly sad that there was nothing we could do about it. He was my teacher and I was his student. It was unlikely there was anything we could do to sort this out. It went completely against the rules to allow anything to happen between us. We would just have to live in this awkward bubble of ours and try to live with what was going on without anyone finding out how we felt. Hopefully we wouldn't make it obvious.

Isabelle wasn't home so I headed towards my laptop to check my email. I hadn't checked it since the first time we talked about the email I sent because I was too scared to see if he had sent anything and my heart wouldn't be able to handle it.

I saw that I had a few emails, one from my brother that came today, two from Jace in the past week and some purchase emails. Holy crap an email from my brother! Sorry Jace, but Jonathan comes first.

* * *

**From: JonathanFRAY**

**To: Claryfrayy**

**Subject: Coming home soon**

**Date D/M/Y – 3/10/14 08:23:12 am **

Hey my sweet Clare. I miss you loads. I got info that I might get to come home soon. I can't tell you where or when but it'll be close. If I don't show up in the next month or two then you know I didn't get leave. Hopefully I will though. I might just make it for Christmas this year, fingers crossed. I want you to know I'm safe sweetheart. I hope you are doing okay too. Sorry for the short email, this is all the time I have. Don't bother replying, it's rare I'll get your email. Love you loads. Can't wait to see you.

**Love from your big bro Jon.**

* * *

My heart surged at the message. Jonathan might be coming home! I had never been so glad in my life, even with what just happened with Jace, this might be the happiest I've been in the last three years, since I last saw Jonathan. The last time I saw him I was just starting at the university, it was incredible how time had gone so quickly, I would soon be leaving and possibly be seeing Jonathan again. I couldn't be happier.

Soon after I read Jon's email I clicked on Jace's to see what he'd said.

* * *

**From: Jaceherondale **

**To: Claryfrayy**

**Subject: Please talk to me **

**Date D/M/Y – 24/9/14 13:53:52 pm **

Clary, you haven't been to class this Friday or Monday. I'm really sorry about what happened last Monday but you need to come to class. Your attendance will lower your grade and you're missing out on vital information. I hope we can both move past what happened. Please come back to class. We can talk once you do.

**Jace**

* * *

**From: Jaceherondale **

**To: Claryfrayy**

**Subject: It wouldn't hurt to reply **

**Date D/M/Y – 25/9/14 21:45:16 pm **

Now I'm not trying to be an insensitive asshole but we're going to have a real problem if you don't come to class. WE NEED TO TALK CLARISSA.

**Jace**

* * *

Wow, all he did was yell at me some more, not as important as I thought his email would be. Well whatever, we had our confrontation and now we were just going to have to move past it.

I decided to email him back.

* * *

**From: Claryfrayy **

**To: Jaceherondale **

**Subject: Today**

**Date: D/M/Y - 3/10/14 10:32:22 am**

Jace, I came back to class like you asked so nicely (check above) and all we realised is that it's best to stay away from each other because of...inappropriate desires. I think It's best if our relationship is strictly teacher student. I won't be missing any more class so you don't have to worry about that. I'm sorry again. I started this with my email. I can end this with my email.

Bye Jace.

**Clary.**

* * *

I sent the email and closed my laptop. I wanted to crawl into a hole and pretend the last few weeks never happened. I hated that I had to act so formal in email and like none of this bothered me when I all really wanted was him. When all I wished for was that we weren't put under these circumstances. I wanted him. I knew he wanted me. He had said so himself. He said he wanted to fuck me. God, I blushed just thinking about it. To get my mind off what had been going on I decided to call a friend and head out. I needed to stop thinking about things.

* * *

**Professor Herondale**

After I walked out of that room I headed back towards my classroom and watched as the students eyed me warily while I walked to my desk. I don't blame them. I've been a moody ass for the past three weeks. Ever since I got that email from Clary. Although they didn't know why. They asked the first few lessons but after that they didn't bother. I think they were too afraid. It's not like they'd have any clue that I was harbouring feelings for a student of mine. If they did...I was pretty fucked.

To be fair, I had to agree with what Clary said. It was my own fault. Deep down I knew our relationship was going to end up like this. That she would end up having feelings for me. I don't mean that in a conceited way, but I knew because the connection between us...it just felt inevitable. When I first got the email, the email that changed everything, I was so fucking shocked. I thought I'd been day dreaming.

I couldn't believe she'd had the guts to tell me how she felt. Not because she was Clary but because she was my student and _god _I can't imagine ever telling my professor I had feelings for them when I was in college. It took an enormous amount of bravery to do it, but I knew Clary was brave. However, dickhead that I was, I only threw it back in her face by being stoic and harsh. I still cringed whenever I thought back to the argument we had after class. Seeing her cry made me want to punch myself in the balls. and it was all because of me.

"So...did you deal with Clary?" Raphael smirked at me.

God this little prick. He angered me so much over the years with his anti feminist comments and woman bashing. The sort of shit he said to Clary made me want to punch him but I couldn't do that exactly since I was his professor. I had no good reason. so I had to tolerate it and dish out a reasonable punishment that was acceptable for a college student.

"I just told her if she wanted to pass this class and not let the last four years go to waste then she better start showing up. But she's had a rough few weeks I'm sure that's why sure she hasn't been around. She said she'd come next lesson. Now let's move on shall we?" I said quickly, telling them to carry on with their work. I sat at my desk and acted like I was doing work, when actually I was thinking about this whole situation.

I couldn't believe what I had said to her about wanting to touch her. Wanting to fuck her. Jesus Christ I had told her I wanted to tie her up. God I was fucked. She could get me into so much trouble for that. I didn't doubt for a second though that Clary wouldn't say anything. She had shown me over the past few years just how much she had cared about me. It was bad luck that we were just in a situation where we couldn't do anything about our feelings. I hadn't automatically fallen for Miss Fray. It wasn't lust at first sight. It was a development over time. For the first two years of teaching Clary we had a usual teacher student relationship. She was very shy and not very outspoken in the first few weeks but soon she became very passionate about the art we discussed in class. She couldn't help but speak up and that's when I realised the true beauty in Clary. It was the way her eyes light up and her cheeks flushed when she got passionate. How she narrowed her eyes when she dared someone to prove her wrong. It was beautiful seeing her evolve and become riled up. To watch emotions flit through her like a flipogram.

We spoke a lot in those two years. We had the same interests in art, music and culture. Clary wasn't someone a guy would usually fall for. They wanted big ass, big tits, big hair and big personality. Clary was the kind of girl guys would skip past because they thought they'd be able to find someone better, but as I got to know her I was so grateful for that because it meant less assholes that I had to deal with (but to be honest I wouldn't have been able to deal with them - I'm just her professor after all) I'd have to have let her deal with them. Clary was the kind of girl that you had to get to know and extract to fall for her. And God, when I got to know her, jheez did I fucking fall. That made me a really angry person for a long time. I was always having to warn myself off from saying something stupid or too forward. It really was difficult. I liked her so much. So I had to hold myself back. When her parents died though, everything changed.

I wanted to help her with her grief. I wanted to hold her while she cried and bared her soul and feelings. I just wanted to help her and I fucking hated our situation because it wouldn't allow me to do so. God when I had heard the news about her parents I was so crushed for her. Two innocent lives taken because a drunk prick decided to get behind the wheel. Ever since the moment I had decided to console her and draw her that water painting (which felt so overstepping the boundaries - even though I couldn't bring myself to care) our relationship had changed. We spoke more about personal issues than about culture and art. It was a turning point I never expected our relationship to head into. She made me feel younger and alive.

It was amazing though. We could turn to each other for anything. She was vulnerable with me and allowed herself to have her guards down and it was the same for me. It caused my feelings for her to grow larger and deeper which eventually lead to my batch of games and questions. However the change in our relationship didn't turn into anything romantic or physical. The first time I had even touched her inappropriately was today. It wasn't the first time I had spoken to her inappropriately though. God I knew venturing on to those sort of topics was a bad idea. What did I expect was going to come to out of it? But god, learning about her sexual fantasies and the fact that she was a virgin? highlight of my year. It turned me on so fucking bad. God knows I had masturbated after that conversation. I was so going to hell. Stop thinking about it Jace. Oh well, if I get a hard on this desk will cover me up pretty good.

I could still remember the way her skin had felt from earlier. when she had walked in into class wearing that dress I just wanted to throw her over my shoulder and fuck her on my desk - without my students watching of course seeing all her skin had caused my head to spin which had led to me being angry because I knew I could never have that which lead me to yelling at her. I couldn't help it though, when she was getting in my face, telling me what I already knew was true. Her anger was riling me up. It fucking turned me on. It took every ounce of my strength not to push my hard on against her ass. like they say, actions speak louder than words and that action would have been pretty clear on how I felt. It hurt to leave her in that room.

It truly sucked that things couldn't work out.

"Umm Jace? Class is over." a voice towered over me. I lifted my head off the desk to a sparkly Magnus Bane watching me with careful eyes. I saw that half the class had left and the other half were leaving. I didn't even realise class was over. Damn. I need to get my head screwed on straight.

"Well shit. I didn't even realise." I grinned at him. "Thank you Mr Bane."

I started collecting all my stuff together to head home but I could still see Magnus watching me carefully.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"It's just that...nothing, " Magnus shook his head. "Are you really okay?"

"Magnus your concern is appreciated but honestly I'm good. I'm just having a difficult few weeks. We all have them. I'll be good as new in no time." I assured him.

"if you say so." Magnus shrugged. "I'll see you later Jace."

"Goodbye Magnus. Take care of my cousin for me."

"Will do." Magnus grinned.

Magnus was a good kid. Good to my cousin. I spent the past few summers with him and had taught him. He was way too observant and wise like he'd been alive for much longer than the rest of us. I waited for all the students to leave before I left the classroom myself and headed home. Once I got inside my apartment I turned on the shower and let the water heat up while I switched on my laptop and let It load up. Once I had it running, I stripped off my clothes while I walked towards the shower, telling myself I'd check any email I had after I finished. I got under the shower head and let the water soak my skin and cleanse me. I won't lie - I hoped there was something from Clary in my inbox. Maybe something sexy to help convince me to act on my feelings. Yeah right. God I Was so fucking attracted to her. Her soft skin, delicate face, bright as the sun smile...Shit. Now I was hard. I couldn't help it. I'd been so fucking tense lately. The last time I had sex was a year ago. I needed the release.

My throat caught on a groan as my hand slid across the hard skin of my erection. I held myself against the wall with a clenched fist. The hot water bested down my back. I closed my eyes as I thought back to a conversation I'd had with Clary. The one where she told me she wanted to be tied up and fucked rough. Fuck. Yeah, I pictured just that. She would be lying on my bed, her hair contrasting beautifully against my dark sheets. Her hands raised above her head, tied to the headboard. Her eyes covered with a blindfold. her hips writhing as my fingers played with her wet folds, slipping inside her tight hole, her walls clenching around me. Fuuuck. I rubbed faster. My hips moved jerkily as my dick pistoned through my fist. Images filled my head fast. My lips against her thigh. Climbing higher. Her begging me to untie her hands so she can tug on my head. Her legs wrapped around my head, holding on tight. Biting softly on her skin. Leaving dark marks over her. Kissing and sucking on her until I could feel her second pulse beat hard. Until she fell over the edge. Yelling my name as she came down from the highest high.

"Oh fuck." I groaned as my I felt myself come. Fuuuuck. I whispered her name as the last parts of me left my body. I washed away my remains as I tried to get my heart rate back to normal.

If imagining it felt that good then how would the real thing feel?

It couldn't happen. God I was so fucked. God damn, were there any other teachers who thought about their students like that? Nope. I would bet it was just me.

I headed out the shower and got changed into a pair of comfy jeans and a washed out t shirt. Laptop all loaded up, I checked my email. One from Clary. I clicked on and as it loaded I wondered what new troubles would happen today.

* * *

**From: Claryfrayy **

**To: Jaceherondale **

**Subject: Today**

**Date: D/M/Y - 3/10/14 10:32:22 am**

Jace, I came back to class like you asked so nicely (check above) and all we realised is that it's best to stay away from each other because of...inappropriate desires. I think It's best if our relationship is strictly teacher student. I won't be missing anymore class so you don't have to worry about that. I'm sorry again. I started this with my email. I can end this with my email.

Bye Jace.

**Clary.**

* * *

Shit. She didn't try to convince me to make it work. She didn't mention what inappropriate things I had said to her. She had just been professional and ended it like I tried. I should have been glad it was over, that she hadn't tried to fight it. Why was I so pissed off then? What the fuck was wrong with me? We both knew this wasn't going to be able to happen. Why did I have this secret hope that it would? I'm a fucking dumbass, that's why. I needed to get laid. Seriously. tonight. It was going to happen.

* * *

It was 12 am. The club's music made my skin come alive. I needed to find a girl and fuck the frustration out in her. The problem? The only girl I wanted to fuck was completely off limits. Every other girl was just another face to me. I wasn't the kind of guy girls like to think are attractive only books and movies. You know...the guy who sleeps with everyone with a pair legs (or two) and then meets eyes with that one special girl and falls in love, forgetting about all the other people he's fucked either a pair of legs (or two). I wasn't like that and girls may say they like a guy like that but when it's actually happening to them it's not so pretty. I was more of the guy who sleeps with a girl after dating her for a few weeks (I didn't say I was a saint) I rarely had the one night stand sort of thing. Maybe once or twice when I wanted to see what it was like.

Now I just wanted to try it because I was frustrated and I didn't want to date anyone since that would wrong as I had feelings for someone else. The last girl I tried that with - Aline - was a complete fail. I couldn't stop thinking about Clary or comparing the two (Clary always won out) so I just told her It wasn't going to work out. Shit man. There was something wrong with my dick. I headed towards the bar, took a seat and ordered a drink. Maybe I needed to get drunk to go through with this. Yeah. Maybe that would work. Luckily I didn't have a class to teach tomorrow.

"Hey gorgeous." I turned my head to see a blonde bombshell sitting next to me. her hair wasn't red though...snap out of it Jace.

I decided to be forward with the lady. Didn't want her to think there would be any emotions involved in this.

I placed my hand On her thigh. She quickly looked down but when her eyes rose back to mine she smiled at me. Score.

"Hello beautiful. Can I get you a drink?" I asked her.

"Hmm." She liked her lips. "I'd love that. A Screaming Orgasm?"

"Sure sweetheart." I read into the sexual innuendo pretty quickly. "I'll give you as many as those as you want."

She giggled, slapping my arm playfully.

"Good to know." She smiled coyly.

I winked at her.

I placed our order and we spoke about casual things while my hand played with the hem of her short dress.

"Do you wanna get out of here after our drinks?" She whispered in my ear, one of her hands playing with the top button of my jeans.

"I'd love that sweetheart." I grinned at her. Fuck yes. Getting back in the game.

"Professor Herondale?" Shit. Two words I never wanted to hear while I was trying to hook up with someone - unless you know it's the girl herself (not a student though) just someone trying to be a seductive tease.

I removed my hand from the girls dress , I found out her name was Ariya, and turned towards who had called me by my profession. I was met with Isabelle Trueblood's narrowed eyes. A student I knew. A student I'd had conversations with. The student that was best friends with Clary. Who lived with her. Fuck, the gods were really shitting on me today. I wondered if she knew about what was going on between Clary and I. I wouldn't have been surprised, they were long friends and the disappointed look she gave me showed she didn't like me very much at this moment. Wait, was Clary here with Isabelle? I would be surprised if she was. This was more Isabelle's scene than Clary's.

"An old lover?" Ariya asked playfully, raising an eyebrow.

"No. I'm a student where he works." Isabelle said curtly. Yep. She didn't really like me.

"Oh! You're a teacher? Interesting. Professor Jace?" She giggled, but I fucking cringed. This wasn't good.

"We all just call him Jace in class." Isabelle said, once again curtly. "Surprised to see you here Jace. This doesn't seem like your scene."

"Well you know how much I like music." I mumbled. She was right. This wasn't really my scene.

"I don't think it's the music you come for." Isabelle smiled harshly, like it hurt her to do so.

Ariya choked on her drink as Isabelle said that. God this was uncomfortable.

"What are _you _doing here? Don't you have class tomorrow?" I asked, changing the subject.

"It's Friday." She raised her eyebrow at me like I was a moron. Wow, so I didn't even have to worry about getting drunk. Had I really lost track of days? "I'm here with Clary and a few friends." She said pointedly.

"Ah. Good for you guys, you deserve the rest." I just wanted her to leave already. This was so awkward. So shit, Clary was here. What if she was watching me right now? What if that's why Isabelle had "passed by?" Because they had spotted me? Uh oh.

"Hmm. See you later Prof." She walked away, rolling her eyes.

What the fuck was that about? Now that I knew Clary was here I felt so uncomfortable. I just wanted to leave. How was this gonna look to her? This morning I told her I wanted to fuck her and now I was trying to pick up another girl. I shouldn't care. She even said so in the email this morning to move on and forget anything had happened.

"So how many other students of yours have a crush on you?" Ariya asked. That's what she had interpreted Isabelle's words as? Oh well better than the alternative.

"More than I expected." I chuckled bashfully.

"She won't come after me in a jealous fit right?" She wriggled her eyes playfully.

"Nah I don't think so." I grinned at her.

A girl next to her complimented her on her shoes and that striked up a conversation. I took that chance to look where Isabelle had headed. Hoping I'd find Clary with her. What I saw though wasn't what I had expected. Instead it left me with rage.

A tall brown-skinned boy had an arm around her as he danced with her with on the dance floor. She had her back to him, his chest pressed tight against her back. I had never seen him danced fluidly from side to side. He had long dark hair which fell over his forehead and tumbled in curls down his neck. He was slim but muscular. He had high cheekbones and bright green eyes that matched Clarys. She was holding onto his arms with both hands. They wrapped around the tattoo's of script he had. He looked like a rocker boy. Their hips rocked together to the sound of the beat. They moved sensually. I didn't fucking like it. Was this her idea of moving on? I didn't like it. Not one bit.

* * *

**Clary Fray**

Jordan was a godsend. He was also one of Isabelle's and my closest friend. We only got to see him once every one or two months because he went to a different college which was depressing. We had told him about the whole Jace situation and he had high fived me for being such a badass (asking my teacher to be in a illicit relationship with me) but he also felt bad for me because of the situation I was in. It's a pretty sucky situation. When I had spotted him across the club with his hand up some girls dress I felt sick. I had told him to go on with his life and to forget what happened right? This was what was bound to happen. He was never going to let us happen anyway. When Isabelle had realised what I was staring at, she had her bitch eyes on and was ready to storm over there. I made her promise she wasn't going to say anything about me. She said okay so I trusted she wouldn't. I pointed out to Jordan who the person was.

"So that asshole tells you he wants to fuck you today and now he has his hands up that chick? What the fuck?" He exclaimed.

"I'm not surprised. I told him to drop it all." I said bitterly.

"You want to test his restraint?" Jordan smirked. His eyes brightened with an idea.

"What evil plan have you got brewing up there?" I tapped his head.

"Let's dance sweetheart." he chuckled evily.

"Oh no, you're going to try to rile him up. It won't work. He doesn't feel that way. He's probably just horny." I shrugged.

"Well if that's the case he won't care because he's got a girl right infront of him, but if it's more than being horny to him then he'll definitely have a reaction. Come on Sweetheart." he said, scooting out of his seat. "Let's dance."

Did I mention Jordan had taken dance classes when he was younger? The boy knew how to move those hips. I ignored looking in the direction of Isabelle and Jace with his friend and followed Jordan to the dance floor which coincidently was opposite where Jace was sitting. Jordan situated us so that we were chest to back, me in front of him, facing Jace. Obviously on purpose.

"I'm gonna pretend like I'm so into you sweetheart. Raise your arms and put them on my arms." he said as he placed his hands on my hips and pushed them back and forth to match the movement of his. They were sensual, not sexual. That would have been too awkward for me. He nuzzled his head into my neck, but It was all show. I could tell because he's body was shaking with silent laughter.

"Asshole." I mumbled, trying not to laugh myself. I closed my eyes and let myself fall into the beat of the music.

"Shit. It actually worked. Dude is coming over here." Jordan whispered.

My eyes opened. And met with Jace's. Shit. It had actually worked.

"I'm going to go get a drink, okay? Be right back." Jordan stepped away just as Jace reached me.

"Hi." I choked.

"Clary." he said bluntly. "That the reason why you missed so many classes?" he tilted his head toward Jordan.

"No. You know the reason why I missed class." I said just as bluntly. "Don't you have a girl waiting on you?"

"Watching me Fray?" He raised an eyebrow. A sexy eyebrow.

"You're the one who walked over here. What do you want?" I asked tiredly.

"Who's the guy?" he ignored me as he grabbed my hand and danced along side me. We had to because standing still in the middle of dance floor was a bad idea.

"Why do you care? I didn't know professors cared so much about their students dating lives." I said sarcastically as we moved side by side.

"So you're dating him?" he asked.

"So what if I am?" I raised my eyebrows. I could never raise just one.

"Answer the question." I hadn't realised he had backed us up into a corner of the club where people were dancing but it was more quiet.

"I don't have to. You're no one to me." I scoffed.

"Really? Funny you say that because you said the exact opposite in an email a few weeks ago." he smirked.

"I was clearly delusional." I mumbled. He had a point. "You know it wasn't until I sent that email that I realised you really did have a douchebag side." he laughed at this.

"Well obviously I wasn't going to show my students my 'guy' side. It's all about boundaries."

"Which you clearly have none of." I bounced back.

"Oh yeah. What makes you say that? You're the one who sent me that email." he dared me.

"You asked the sexual questions. You told me you wanted to tie me up and fuck me today! How about that for boundaries." I yelled at him.

His facial expressions tightened and then relaxed. Dropped actually. He moved closer towards me until I was tucked under his body against the wall.

"You want to know a secret?" he whispered in my ear. He didn't wait for me to answer though. This boy was on a roll. "When I finished class today, I went home and had a shower. I thought about the conversation we'd just had. All the skin you had showed me." he seemed to look down at my body for the first time. I was wearing a pair of shorts that cut off mid-thigh and a loose crop top. He raised his eyes back to mine.

"I thought about how I told you that I wanted to tie you up and fuck you. Rough. Do you know what that led to? I got so fucking hard." I gasped at his words and the feeling of him pressing his hips against mine. Where he was hard. Holy shit. This was so much more real than emails or words. This was a bodily reaction. "and then, then I touched myself and rubbed myself so fucking hard. I imagined you naked on my bed, tied to the headboard, my fingers on your wet pussy. Shit. You're turned on. Breathing so hard. Tell me, are you wet?"

I was so wet he had no idea. My breathing was too loud. I couldn't control it. My hips pushed up at his words to press against his. His erection fitted in between my legs.

"Yeah. Yeah." I whispered.

"I thought so." he gulped. His eyes moved back to mine. They were on fire. They were glazed over and heady.

"Clary." he moaned in my ear nuzzling into my hair.

Yes Jace." I breathed.

"I want to touch you." he whispered.

"Touch me then." The magic words were said. One hand moved from the wall to the button of my shorts. I looked around to see if anyone was watching but we were hidden. They couldn't see. He pulled my zipper down and slipped his hand through the gap. He moved my panties to the side and cupped me bare. We gasped simultaneously.

"Holy shit. Holy shit." he mumbled. "You're wet. So wet. I've dreamed of this."

"Touch me." I begged.

"I am baby. I am." he used his other hand to wrap my leg around his waist whole his other played between my folds. "Is this the first time a guy has touched you like this?"

"Yes." I groaned.

"That makes me feel so good. You have no idea." His finger slipped into my slit, running up and down.

"Inside me! Please! Don't be a tease." I begged.

"Ha. That rhymed sweetheart." He said as he pushed his fingers inside me.

"Oh!" I squeaked from the shock.

"You okay?" he breathed against my neck.

"Yeah. Keep going." and he did. He kept going till I didn't think it was possible to go any further. But he did. He went as far as I needed him just so I was pushed over the cliff but he caught me as I landed.

"Holy shit." I gasped.

"Was that good?" he whispered. Kissing my cheeks, forehead, nose, eyelids. I felt so sleepy. His affection made my eyes water. A tear slipped out by accident.

"Hey hey. Shit I fucked up didn't I? I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. Are you okay? Shall I take you back to Isabelle and that boy? Baby don't cry." he said soothingly, rubbing my cheeks.

"I'm sorry."I mumbled, wiping my eyes.

"Don't apologise for your feelings. What is it?" He asked.

"What's going to happen now?" I whimpered.

"Between us?" I nodded.

"Well. If this is what you want...We can be together." he whispered. "I'm sick of hiding how I feel. We only have a few months left. We can keep it a secret till then. I'm so sorry for the way I was before. I thought i could deal with it but I can't. You're all I think about. Reading you email today made me want to be sick."

"Really?" I couldn't believe what he was saying.

"Yeah sweetheart. I care about you so much. We can try this. If this is what you want." he said, pulling me into his arms and holding my forehead to his chest.

"Yeah I want this. I've wanted this so much." I whispered.

"Me too." He mumbled, kissing my forehead.

"Were you really planning on sleeping with that girl?" I asked him painfully.

"I wanted to...only so I could get you out of my head. I don't think I would have gone through with it anyway. I think fate brought us here tonight, don't you think?" he chuckled. "I've only wanted you for the past year. I don't think you realise how much of a mental cock-block you've been."

"You mean you haven't slept with someone for a year?" I asked in shock.

"Yup." he smacked his lips.

"Pretty amazing for a guy." I smirked.

"what can I say?" he sighed dramatically. I slapped him on the chest and he chucked. "Go head back to your friends sweetheart. I got to get home. Email me?" I knew he couldn't take me home incase someone saw us.

"Sure. Now you think he's my friend though, huh?" I asked cheekily.

"I'm not dumb sweetheart. I was just jealous. Anyway a guy who was dating a girl like you would never leave her all alone on the dance floor with another guy." he kissed me on the forehead one last time. "Goodnight sweetheart."

"Goodnight." I whispered as he walked away towards the exit.

Wow. This day had flipped completely.

* * *

**I could have written more but it's 5 am and after so many readers were begging I had to get this out! It's long enough though ;) I hope you guys enjoy It! Clace is gonna go full speed ahead now! No more boundaries :) we shall see how this plays out ;) hope you enjoy! Read, review, fav, follow! Sorry for the delay again! **


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